A dad on Reddit wondered if he was an a**hole after he voiced his concern that his girlfriend’s behavior was “spiteful” towards his four-year-old daughter and told her he would choose his daughter over her if it came down to it.
The man shared to Reddit’s “Am I the A**hole?” subreddit that he’s been dating his girlfriend for nearly four years. He has a four-year-old daughter with his ex who he sees every other week.
Dad calls his girlfriend out on her “spiteful” behavior towards his daughter, but there is more to the story.
His girlfriend, Claire, was pregnant, but unfortunately lost the baby at five months. He notes that Claire “hasn’t been the same since” and notes that she has been in therapy to deal with her grief.
While he understands all of this, Claire has “really strict” with his daughter recently. “Any toe out of line it’s straight to her bedroom,” he writes.
Claire has proposed having his daughter in the house for less time until they’re able to grieve properly. “I told her if she continues doing this and continues being spiteful that she can leave, she is in no way priority over my daughter,” the poster writes.
While most commenters agreed that he’s not an asshole, many pointed out that perhaps he could show more empathy to his girlfriend who lost the baby so recently.
“She moved in 8 months ago, lost the child at 5 months,” one person wrote. “Meaning she either had to GIVE ACTUAL BIRTH to a dying/dead baby OR went into labor and lost the baby shortly after. So let’s give this 3 months time lapse. She may still lead parent, suffering from postpartum depression. Yeah, she is going to therapy, but he lost a child too and his vaguely passive empty replies, has me questioning the full truth here.”
Other commenters questioned the dad’s behaviors and motivations. His girflriend is obviously grieving, they say, and he should be too. He should also be understanding. “Also, this sounds like a fairly recent thing- whether it’s been 3 weeks or 3 months, it often takes years for mothers to get over that kind of loss,” one commenter said.
“Your request is not unrealistic and it is perfectly valid, however, you could have handled the situation much better,” the commenter continued.
The original poster did provide an update to the original post, letting readers know that he has arranged to visit his daughter at his ex’s house until Claire feels in a better place to “handle visits from my daughter.” He also shared that he’s looking into grief counseling for both of them.
When I’m not hanging out with my three-year-old and husband in Brooklyn, I’m busy writing stories for Mamas Uncut and managing PR + Marketing for Magnolia Bakery, based in New York City. On weekends, you can usually find me at a local park or playground pushing my daughter on the swings, “researching” the best almond croissants in Park Slope or launching into impromptu family dance parties at home, the sidewalk or, every once in awhile, a restaurant bathroom. I’m still trying to master the whole parenting thing, but I have learned that copious amounts of coffee, humor and humility are involved on a daily basis.
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