A mom writes in asking for advice about her 5-year-old stepdaughter, who “has been pooping on herself for a while now.” She says this behavior has been getting worse ever since “her mom gave her up to her dad and me.” She adds that her stepdaughter says she knows when she has to go but doesn’t want to stop playing or get up to go to the bathroom, and then tries to hide it. Any advice for this stepmom?
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A member of the community asks:
“My stepdaughter has been having a lot of accidents: Advice?
My five-year-old stepdaughter has been pooping on herself for a while now but will go pee in the toilet. While at school, she didn’t have many accidents, but now it’s worse, and she has started peeing in bed since her mom gave her up to her dad and me. She says she knows when she has to go but doesn’t wanna stop playing or doesn’t wanna get up, then she tries to hide it.
I don’t whip her or yell, but I do fuss her. She is also around my 5-year-old son, who is completely using the toilet and hasn’t had an accident in a few years. And her brother, who is two and her sister who is two months. Her pediatrician took her off dairy, and it seemed to help at first, but now it’s back to how it was. I know she understands some of what is going on, but not all of it. I don’t know what else to do. Someone, please give me advice. Also, she is too big for pullups. They don’t fit her.”
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Community Advice for This Mom Whose Stepdaughter Has Been Pooping on Herself / Having Accidents Following Big Life Changes
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Advice Summary
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“If her mom just gave her up, that’s a huge environmental shift and it’s not unusual for kids to go backwards a bit. Also completely normal for them to not want to stop playing etc. to use the bathroom. Is she being rewarded for when she is successful? Or just fussed about for failures?”
“First step, don’t compare her to your child then just shower her with love??
“If mom is having nothing to do with her for whatever reason and she was living with her to start with, she may be having issues on dealing with why she isn’t going back ‘home’ … Take her and show her that you love her just as much as what her mom did; it may take time for adjustments but don’t be mad. Tell her accidents happen, but she needs to let you know and not hide it, that you won’t be mad. And do potty breaks with her like the school does. Tell all the kids to take potty breaks and make sure she goes… Set routines like the school does.”
“She may need some counseling especially if living situations have recently changed. Also, get her a referral to a pediatric urologist.”
“It’s emotional trauma! Or regression. Just make her feel loved as much as possible and watch it evolve.”
“I think maybe you’re singling out the stepchild and she’s feeling all kinds of emotions. At five years old, she needs so much extra love. Also, this is a sign of sexual abuse so maybe look down on avenues and make sure she’s okay.”
“If her momma just gave her up, she must be feeling very unloved. I would encourage her and tell her you know she will start remembering. Let her shower and be done with it. Ask her to take her soiled clothes to the dirty clothes pile. She needs lots of snuggles and love. That must feel awful lonely not having her mom around.”
“Oh, a 5-year-old completely knows what’s going on. Kids even at that age are super smart. She needs to have a kids therapist help her to cope with the abandonment issues.”
“Poor little thing. Try not to fuss at her. Praise her when she uses the toilet. Get her some wipes and good night pull-ups. Tell her ahead of time that when she has an accident she needs to clean herself up from then on. Let it be her responsibility. Also, have her see her doctor to rule out a physical problem.”
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