A mom writes in asking for advice in dealing with her stepdaughter’s biological mom. She says that this woman has consistently tried to cut off communication between the two, even going so far as to block the Original Poster (OP) from the girl’s new phone.
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A member of the community asks:
“My stepdaughter’s biological mom tries to cut me out of her life: Advice?
I’ve been with my fiancé for five years and have been in his daughter’s life since she was 6 yrs old. She’s now 11. She has constantly tried to block me out of their daughter’s life in many ways. Their daughter has asked me to call me mom (I told her that is her mom’s position that I am not trying to take) I have been nothing but respectful. She just got a cell phone from her mom for her 11th birthday. She was texting me, sometimes saying, “have a good day at work, love you!” Suddenly I was blocked from her phone by her mom.
It hurt my feelings being I provide for her as I do for my own and have a close relationship with her, but her mother hates it. Any advice on how I should handle my emotions? Is it not my place to have her number or respond when she texts me? Do I just ignore the fact that she is trying to push me out and deal with it?”
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Community Advice for This Mom Whose Stepdaughter’s Biological Mom Is Trying to Drive a Wedge Between Them
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Advice Summary
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“Maybe have a sit-down lunch with her and let her know that you respect her completely and would never go over her head and make decisions or try to take her place.”
“Your fiancé needs to handle it. That mom should be happy to have a great mom that watches over her daughter!”
“Her blocking you from your stepdaughter’s phone is petty and dangerous. What if there is an emergency and she can’t reach her bio mom or dad? Your fiancé needs to have a talk with her. Bio mom needs to be a grown-up and co-parent.”
“My boys never asked to call any of their fathers’ wive(s) ‘Mom,’ but I would have FLIPPED OUT. They have only one mom (ME). There is nothing really you can do. You are her dad’s girlfriend, not even a stepmother (no matter how many years). If her mom bought the phone it’s her prerogative how the child gets to use it. Take a breath and do what you can but pretty much yes you have to abide by the mom’s rules Just be kind and do what you can with / for her while she visits her father.”
“I’m sure a lot of mothers will have something to say. But come from a mother and stepmother, I’ll give you my advice! Try talking with her, the mom. Call her (I would say ask to meet for lunch or something but, you know.) and just talk with her. Ask her why she feels they way she does. Talk with you SO. I know my husband would never let me treated that way. I have a fairly good relationship with my stepsons mom. Figure out the problem and talk about your concerns with you SO. See where that goes.”
“I would absolutely try to have a heart to heart talk with your husband and her present.”
“The best thing you can do is continue to treat her as your own. Blood doesn’t make a family, love does. Continue being there for her and if she asks why you aren’t responding to her messages etc, be honest without bashing her biological mom. You should also talk to your fiance. He definitely shouldn’t be okay with that situation continuing. It will lead to problems between y’all in the long run.”
“I would speak to your husband. To me, the bio mum is putting her daughter in danger. First of all, you are her dad’s wife (no longer girlfriend) so you do technically have legal responsibilities for his daughter. If it’s an emergency and the daughter can not reach her Dad or her bio Mum then, you are the next person on the list of people to call. You are married so that also means you do have some legal rights to be there for his children as well. Secondly, it’s the daughter that wants a relationship with you and she is going to dislike her mum if her mum wrecks that relationship or comes between it. To me, the bio mum is being childish and petty. She needs someone to tell her to knock it off even if the father has to buy he’s daughter another phone where she has your number and he’s number on it and it’s password-protected from the bio mother. I don’t know but, someone needs to tell the bio mum that her behaviour is not going to work.”
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