A mom writes in asking for help about her stepkids. She says that she has been stepmom to three young women for eight years and counting. Unfortunately, she has started having problems with disrespect, particularly from the oldest, who also shows blatant disrespect to her father.
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A member of the community asks:
“How can I get my stepkids to respect their father?
I am a stepmom of 3 young ladies. I have been in their lives for eight years. Their biological mother walked out of their lives on Christmas Eve for one year and has never looked back. I have tried and tried to be close to them. And at times, they are loving, but it usually only seems to be when I am doing something for them, letting them go somewhere or buying them something. The oldest has turned 18 this past October and since has had no respect at all for her father. She posts live videos, cussing, smoking, and blatantly disrespecting her father.
She recently got a car and now comes and goes as she pleases. She sleeps, eats, school, and work. Never cooks or cleans, not even her own things. I tried talking to her about it, but she just doesn’t care. She acts like a pure thug, and it breaks her father’s heart. The shame is, of course, it’s his daughter, so I look like the wicked stepmom from hell when I try to enforce the rules in the house. I am at the end of my rope. She should graduate this year, but I don’t know what to do from here. How do I get her father to see that her behavior is not acceptable? She constantly says, “I’m a grown-ass woman, I’m 18, and I will do what I want to do. No one can’t tell me nothing!” Please help.”
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Community Advice for This Stepmom Whose Stepkids Show Disrespect for Her and Their Father
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Advice Summary
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“I would go into her room while she was in there and start packing her stuff. When she asks what you are doing, tell her, ‘you want to act grown and you want to do whatever you want, then you can get your own place and pay your own bills.'”
“Rent 200
Cable/internet 20
Water/sewage 20
Electric 25
Food 50
She wants to be an adult and act like one. Then treat her like she is one. And tell her it’s all due the 1st of the month. And if she’s late she will receive a court order eviction notice for 30 days.”
“Hey I’m a loving caring mom of 3 girls I’m a single mom and I will tell you the 18 years old is acting very normal my daughter did the same when she turn 18 now she is almost 20 and things gat much much better.”
“IF she graduates, new rules. Pays rent, etc. Respects her father and stepmom, or she’s out on her butt.”
“If she’s 18 and woman and won’t follow your house rules she can move out and support herself. Your house your rules. Plain and simple.”
“If you all are paying for that car you should take it back and same for the phone. Let her know that she had a home until she graduates. Let her be grown and figure it out.”
“She’s right. She’s grown. So treat her like she is. Sit down with your husband & write up a lease. Put rules in it requiring her to clean after herself, the bathroom & whatever else you expect from her. Treat her as a roommate. Charge her rent & utilities too. If she refuses to sign the lease or when she breaks it evict her. Despite what ppl think you can’t kick your adult child out. You have to legally evict them.”
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