***TRIGGER WARNING*** This post contains discussion on the sensitive topic of stillbirth and stillborns.
A mom writes in asking for advice about coping after having a stillbirth at 35-weeks pregnant. She says that the feelings resulting from her stillborn delivery are overwhelming not only for her but for her husband and their six-year-old son. Though she is trying to stay positive and is looking to find strength in her faith, she also welcomes any advice from other mothers on how she and her family may begin healing during this heartbreaking, traumatic time.
A member of the community asks:
“Trigger warning: I had a stillborn, how does my family heal from this?”
“This is a very sensitive subject. I recently had a stillbirth at 35 weeks a little over a month ago. All of these feelings — not only for myself but for my current son, who is 6, and my husband — are so overwhelming sometimes. I am looking at the positive, and I trust God has a plan for us, so I hold on to that and my faith, but is there anything other mothers did that have gone through this to heal? We are healing as a family, and I’m digging deep into scripture and sermons, and we will heal together but I’d be happy to take any other advice.”
Community Advice for This Mom Looking to Heal Her Family After a Traumatic Stillbirth
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“So so sorry to read this. You will take care of the faith aspect within the family. However, you may need both individually and as a family to get bereavement counseling. Also, people deal with loss in different ways. Some have found it helpful to make a little memorial garden, if space allows, if not, perhaps a flower bed, a window box, plant a shrub or tree that will flower/fruit at this time. Make a little shrine in your home, have all the family help with it. This is just a few ideas that have helped others. Is there an organization for stillbirth attached to the hospital or in your area. I pray ye will find comfort.”
“I have not experienced this myself, but I will say from the families I’ve known that have, one of the most important things you can do is respect each other’s individual grieving process, and understand that it will be different from yours and that’s ok. Everyone will need to handle this in their own way.”
“I went through this 6 years ago. Not a day goes by I don’t think about my baby boy. My daughter was 8 at the time. What worked for us was talking to each other and having a lot of family time. The pain is always there but you get stronger each day. Hugs to you and your family.”
“I’m so sorry that you are going through this and know exactly what you are going through. I delivered in March this year at 37 weeks a stillbirth. I kept the nursery up for as long as I needed to because it made me feel like we were still waiting for him. We all grieve in different ways and that is just one of the things that helped me along with a great support system.”
My mom carried my baby sister full term and she was stillborn. This was in the ’70s. I was almost six and my sister was eight. It was simply devastating! My mom wishes to this day they had gotten counseling back then. She’s 79 and still can’t talk about the baby. She keeps it bottled up inside. I know we all believe we will meet her in heaven one day. God is very helpful in trouble. But, time has not necessarily healed the pain. Keep turning to Christ. That’s the best advice I can offer. But know that hole in your heart will remain until Christ returns. Much love, care, and prayers!”
“I have been through it twice. It changes you as a person. Grief comes in waves. You will always love your precious baby.”
“Therapy would greatly help the grieving process especially with something so tragic like this.”
“I’ve never gone through this so I don’t have any personal experience. However, I’m sure therapy for the whole family would really help. Just wanted to say that as hard as it may be, keep reading your Bible and relying on God. My friend who lost her baby just put up a thing that said how amazing it is that the first person he sees when he opened his eyes was God. I thought what a comfort to know what. I’ll keep you and your family in my prayers though.”
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