A Mamas Uncut Community Member writes in looking for advice on how to tell a friend with infertility issues that she would be willing to be a surrogate for them.
“I would love to be a surrogate for someone. I have had a successful pregnancy with my daughter and enjoyed being pregnant. I have a couple that is old friends of mine who are having fertility issues. I’m not sure how to approach them about offering this “gift” to them. I don’t want it to sound like I don’t believe they can conceive on their own or be discouraging in any way. I would like just to let them know I would be willing to carry for them if they decided they’d like to go that route. I’m open to doing this for someone else but would really like to give these friends “first refusal rights” if that makes sense. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.“
Community Advice For The Friend Who Wants to Offer to be a Surrogate For Her Close Friends
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below:
The comments are full of positive responses. Many find that the offer is so kind but it is also a very big decision. Asking to help can be tricky but there were a lot of suggestions on what to say.
“Just tell them. If you guys ever decide to look into surrogacy, I would be willing to be your surrogate. Ps. I have been a surrogate. It was the most wonderful thing I’ve done.”
“Just tell them that you hope they can conceive on their own, but if they ever need a surrogate that you’d be willing to help.“
“No advice really I just wanna say you have a beautiful soul.”
“Just be careful infertility is a very fragile issue and you don’t want to make the couple feel as if they are broke so to speak, and when the couple is still trying themselves it can be insulting..speaking from experience. You mean well, but until this couple inquires about it or brings it up..Just be there for them.“
“I would wait for them to maybe mention it in the first place? I’m very lucky to have carried my own bundle of joy but I guess unless they mention that that’s an option they are considering that’s a little ‘out there’ for some couples. And consider doing it for a close friend – think of the kicks and the excitement and the love you’ll feel for this baby. Where does that leave them when you get attached? I think doing it for a stranger/someone else is beautiful but can you guarantee you won’t love the baby as much as you love your friend and get attached? Think of yourself too! What happens if the friendship breaks down later on? Where does that leave you?“
Surrogacy is an option for women that struggle with infertility, but it is more than just carrying a baby. There are many questions that are involved. You need to really do your research before making any offers. You need to know exactly what you are getting yourself into. The risks, the benefits, and everything in between. While this is a wonderful offer take your time in making your decision so that if you eventually take that step, you know exactly what you are getting in to.
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Dawn Onye is a Certified Lactation Counselor. With this certification comes education and her own experience helping mothers and babies with breastfeeding. With her CLC, she is required to keep herself up to date on the research studies, conferences, and training related to breastfeeding. She chose this field not just because she is an advocate for the benefits of breastfeeding, but because she sincerely loves working with mothers and babies. Her mission is not to push breastfeeding on all mothers and babies, but to help all mothers reach the goals they have and to provide the expertise for them to do so. The most important thing in life is to do what is best for your family without judgment from others.
Dawn is also a wife and a mother. She has four children ranging from 12 to 19 years old. She can help many families with tips and tricks she has learned along the way. She loves to read and write. Her favorite seasons are spring and fall, although she does enjoy summers while spending time with her family. There has been no greater accomplishment in life for her than being a mother.
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