A mom writes to us with her story of motherhood, which includes a scary medical event, a battle with addiction, difficult men, and struggles with postpartum depression and anxiety.
We reached out to the robust Mamas Uncut Facebook community and asked to hear stories from real moms about their experiences. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Our goal is to share these stories (anonymously, if the author so chooses) with our community as a reminder that we are not alone in either our joys or struggles.
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Community member R.R. writes:
I became a mommy September 2nd of 2015. I gave birth to a baby boy at 32 weeks gestation. He weighed only four pounds and he spent 25 days in the NICU.
Following his birth I began experiencing excruciating headaches, I could feel my heartbeat in my head. I returned to the hospital, where I had my first seizure when my son was about a week old. We discovered I was experiencing high blood pressure due to preeclampsia. I was sent home only to fall into a series of seizures that very same day. I seized intermittently for 6 hours, then was placed in a medically induced coma for three days. I’ve experienced no complications since and I was put on anticonvulsants for 6 months.
I was only 19 when I had my son. His father and I split up when he was not even six months old, and that’s kind of when my life got wild for lack of a better term. At almost 20 years old I began hanging out with some people I probably shouldn’t have. I began drinking heavily and spending less and less time with my son. There were points where I was seeing him less than once a week. This continued until about 2017 when I started to be present more and calm down with the partying.
Fast forward to May 2018: I found out I was pregnant with my daughter with my current boyfriend who had just spent 8 months in prison. At this time we were not in a good spot in our relationship. We were on the verge of breaking up, and just two short weeks after finding out I was pregnant I found out he had been cheating on me and caught an STD from the girl he slept with. I kicked him out and for the summer he continued to chat with women until I finally welcomed him back into our home 4 months before our daughter was born.
Following my daughter’s birth I fell into a huge depression, making it hard for me to care for both of my kids. I had my daughter full-time, while my son’s father and I had joint custody. I was hospitalized for a short period of time due to my mental health. My anxiety got to a point where I couldn’t take care of both kids by myself, so my son’s father carried a lot of the load of taking care of him. I had a hard time even getting up in the morning, I didn’t want to take care of my daughter, and on top of that she was colicky, so day-in and day-out I listened to a screaming baby. It had been one of the darkest times in my life. I spent most of my days crying, all while trying to mend a broken relationship.
My daughter is now 5 months old, and it’s still a struggle, but every day I’m hoping to be let free from this burden that is postpartum depression. Parenthood has never been easy for me, and I have never been a perfect parent and never claimed to be. I essentially just wanted to tell my story to show that it’s not always rainbows and butterflies and you don’t always get it right. I’m learning and growing with my kids every single day. Some days I truly don’t want to exist anymore, but those little souls I gave birth to breathe life into me every day.
I pray for any moms struggling as I did and any moms going through PPD. Just any moms in general, I pray for all of our strength and peace.
– Mamas Uncut Community Member R.R.
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us, R.R.! We hope other moms find it as inspiring, relatable, and helpful as we do. Lastly, we wish you the best of luck on your continuing motherhood journey.
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