A mom writes in asking for advice about her teenage daughter. She says her daughter, 19, moved out to live with her boyfriend but is now asking to move back home. The two have a somewhat strained relationship, but additionally, this mom is living in a small house with other people, is about to lose her job, and feels her daughter will not contribute meaningfully and may cause unnecessary drama. She wants to help as a mom but is not sure she can or should.
A member of the community asks:
“Should I allow my daughter to move back home? My daughter moved in with her boyfriend and his family when she was 17. Now, almost 2 years later, she wants to come home. She moved out without saying a word, just stopped coming home basically due to not liking the man I was in a long term relationship with. He is gone, and my daughter claims her bf and his family are “toxic”.
She has no car, no job, 2 pets, and basically sits home all day smoking weed. She is saying her mental health is not good. And she’s trying to make me feel guilty for not letting her move back home. I have a 2 bedroom house with 3 people living here and I am out of a job in 2 weeks. I love my daughter and would do anything for her, but I know if she comes home it will be nothing but drama. What’s a mom to do?”
Community Advice for This Mom Who Is Unsure if She Should Let Her Teenage Daughter Move Back Home
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“You already have your hands full. I would not let her back. Sounds like you need somewhere and some peace for yourself.”
“Sweet mercy a lot of judgy people on here without knowing the whole story. If it was my girls I’d allow them to come home but there would be ground rules. She would have to stop the weed, get a job, and take care of her stuff. If she can’t stop the weed out the door she goes because that shows she doesn’t wanna change her ways and won’t be able to get a job because she can’t even pass a drug screen. Give her a set deadline and if she can’t abide by the rules she’s gotta go. You can’t keep babying someone who doesn’t want to help themselves.”
“Allow her back. Kids make silly mistakes when they fall in love. Rejecting her call for help now could impact her life in a huge way! Make ground rules beforehand.”
“If you love your daughter and would do anything for her then do something for her. Its called sacrifice and while I agree she needs to take some accountability you should have acted like a mother long before this.”
“You do what’s right for you and your family!!!! Don’t worry about anyone else!”
“When she was 17 she knew everything. Now she realizes what it is like on the other side. I would say let her come back. Rules obviously. Get a job help around the house go back to school or pay rent. She has to be willing to get back on her feet.”
“Yikes. You want us to tell you that telling your daughter she isn’t allowed home is right? Because I will not be doing that. I’m the kid of a mother whose door will always be open to my children. I would make the other people leave.”
“Sounds like she needs help from her mother.”
“Take her back with stipulations. Like a job, paying rent no bs period. Make her sign something. First ting you have issues get rid of her.”
“Okayyy. Wow. Y’all some judgy folks.
1. The daughter just moved out, stopped coming home. She was 17. Sorry but there really isn’t anything you can do to force her to stay there.
2. Teenagers are idiots. She probably thinks the bf and his family are “toxic” because they won’t let her sit on her butt anymore and not have a job, so she’s running home to mom.
3. She might not have known there was an issue between her daughter and the guy she was with. Her daughter just LEFT like the immature, entitled brat she’s acting like.
4. She’s about to lose her job. And the 2 bedroom place she has already has 3 people living there. Now add in her daughter & grandchild? That’s a lot of people.
5. I think she should let her daughter come home with major rules. I’m a firm believer in “my house my rules” especially if she doesn’t have a job. I’d be like a warden.”
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