How Can I Tell My Partner I Am Pregnant When He Is Definitely Not Ready to Hear It?

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QUESTION: How Can I Tell My Partner I Am Pregnant When He Very Clearly Is Not Ready to Hear the News?

“I am a mom to two babies, 8 and 1 yo. My partner and I have had a rough year, but we are doing okay. He is facing legal trouble; he is an addict but now sober and went to rehab, so he is just trying to get back to work. He doesn’t want any more children, and I do. We spoke about doing it ‘right’ in the future and planning our last one so we can be excited and enjoy every minute.

Welp, surprise. I am pregnant. I’m not sad at all. I know I have a few things to figure out, and my youngest is only one; that’s the only thing that makes me nervous. When I told him I wanted to talk to him, the first thing he said is ‘Oh God. You better not be pregnant. We cannot have a baby right now.’

So I didn’t even say anything to him. Now I’m kind of upset because I feel like I don’t have a supportive partner at all, and I really wanted to be happy. So now I feel super alone. How would y’all go about telling him? Just rip off the band-aid? I feel like if he tries to tell me to terminate the baby, our relationship will be over because that will not be happening.”

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Community Answers

The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.

“This comment section is crazy. Saying she’s being unfair to him and pushing him??? So did she impregnate herself? No! Someone said she should have used birth control. Well maybe the guy should have used a condom, and maybe had a vasectomy if he knew he didn’t want anymore kids. Why is everyone shaming her??”

“First of all, Thank you for not being willing to kill your baby to make someone else happy. Second, talk to him. Tell him you understand he wasn’t ready… but it takes 2 to make a baby. And now there’s one on the way. Give him time to process, helpfully he comes around. If not, be a kick-butt single mom of 3. You’ve got this.”

“I’m disappointed in the number of women on here putting you down! What happened to women supporting women!? They both had sex and he’s just as responsible as she is so how is she the only one in the wrong!? It’s disappointing to see no one really supporting you or giving you the advice you asked for! Forget these negative Nancy’s!I personally would maybe wait at least until your danger weeks are up…

… Also, try not to worry or stress yourself too much! While you wait the danger weeks out it could give you time to think of a way to tell him appropriately to where hopefully it won’t be too much on either of you. You are not alone! There are those like myself that will support you and be there for you if you need someone! I’m just a message away!”

“He can’t be mad… you can’t impregnate yourself! But.. why you didn’t protect yourself from getting pregnant again from an addict is beyond me… Best wishes!”

“Bless. You’re just going to have to tell him. It will be okay. 2 of my sons are 18 months apart. Don’t be nervous about that and we also didn’t have much then. Ya’ll will make it. Just have faith. I wasn’t expecting my daughter and guess what people, I was on birth control. If it ends the relationship due to abortion then it just does. You’ll figure things out day by day. I raised 3 boys on my own before my wonderful husband come along. Then we had our daughter unexpectedly.”

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