A mom writes in asking for advice about her three-year-old toddler. She says that ever since she welcomed a baby (now 11-months-old), her older daughter, now 3, has started going out of her way to make everyone around her mad or sad. She has tried to hurt her sister. She has begun wetting herself and purposefully peeing on the carpet. This mom has tried every approach she knows, but her daughter’s behavior remains unchanged.
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A member of the community asks:
“My 3-year-old goes out of her way to upset the people around her: Advice?
Hello, I have a 3-year-old daughter who is incredibly smart and potty trained. But I recently had a new baby girl 11 months ago, and ever since then, she has been acting out, trying to hurt her sister sometimes. She goes out of her way to make anyone around her mad or sad. And she started peeing herself in the beginning, and then it turned into all day, and now she will pee herself and then go to her room and pee the rest on the carpet. Then proceeds to tell me and laugh and ask me why she should care. I literally have babysitters who cancel on me because they say she is way too much to handle.
Can I please get some advice???? I’ve tried the ignoring method. I’ve tried the talking calmly method. I’ve tried the time out method. I don’t know what else to do because she doesn’t care anymore. Thank you for your help.”
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Community Advice for This Mom Whose Toddler Goes Out of Her Way to Upset Those Around Her
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Advice Summary
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“I know a lot of mamas won’t agree, but I’d be harsh when she acts out. Punishment is supposed to be uncomfortable. And give lots of positive reinforcement when she’s good or pees in the potty. Let her know it’s unacceptable to behave that way with her younger sibling and be over the top praising when she’s sweet with her sibling!…
… (I say all this because when my 1st was younger I coddled him a lot and always tried “gentle” methods.. by 4 he was unmanageable and I had to make changes that retaught him how to behave which was SO much harder than starting off with high expectations with my 2nd.) Good luck!”
“I understand your tough position, and this could just be a slip of the tongue, but in your post you refer to your younger daughter as your “new baby girl” as if you’ve replaced your older daughter and maybe she’s picking up on some competition there that you’re possibly subconsciously putting out there. Especially since at 11 months, she’s no longer new.”
“Definitely wants more attention… Maybe have a day out of the week you take just her to do something, like every Thursday you have a mommy and me date.”
“Definitely sounds like jealousy. I would suggest getting a babysitter for baby and doing something one on one with her Or see if she wants to help out with baby.”
“I make sure to include my 3 year old in EVERY aspect of baby… Helping mommy throw away diapers, getting diapers, holding baby, teaching baby to play with toys… EVERYTHING. Even when we are swimming… Baby is in her floaty and 3 year old is in her floaty and mommy hold both babies that way. She has moments of independence when she plays with her water guns with daddy or grandpa… But she needs to know that she’ll always be your baby. She’ll let go when she’s ready.”
“She wants more attention. Give her positive reinforcement when she shows the behavior you want. And banishment to her room until she can behave otherwise. You have to train kids kinda similar to dogs honestly. Reward the good, give little attention to the bad… Only discipline. You can’t IGNORE the bad. Just set consequences and stick to them.”
“When my little boy went through this our health visitor told me to get him to clean himself up. He decided he didn’t like that and after 3 episodes he stopped and has been dry since. Lots of attention also helps, and get her to help with bubba when she can so she feels included.”
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