My Unemployed Husband Is Never Home and Says I Am Controlling for Asking Him to Be Home By 9 PM: Advice?

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QUESTION: My Unemployed Husband Is Never Home: Is It Wrong to Give Him a Curfew?

“Is there anything wrong with asking your significant other to be home by 9 p.m. if they have been gone all day (unemployed, not at work)? Is it wrong or controlling of me to ask for him to answer my phone calls and text messages if I text him?

I sit at home all day with three kids. I want to spend time with him… but he doesn’t want to be home. Then he ignores my calls and texts. He can go sit at someone else’s house ALL day and do nothing. But when it comes to home, he’s just gone. He doesn’t want to be here.

He says I’m controlling when I ask that he be home by 9 p.m. But he’s also on unemployment and not working. He didn’t come home till midnight last night.

If I go do things with him during the day when my kids are in school, he gets mad because we can’t leave until 720 am, and I HAVE to be back home by 310pm for them to get off the bus. I don’t know what to do anymore, and I feel like I’m going crazy.”

RELATED: My Partner Gets Mad That He Has to Work — Even Though He Doesn’t — While I Don’t: Advice?

My Unemployed Husband Is Never Home and Says I Am Controlling for Asking Him to Be Home By 9 PM: Advice?

Community Answers

The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.

“What in the hell is he doing from before 7:20 am – midnight and doesn’t keep in touch! HELL NO!! Move on ,girl, there are many good men out there who would treat you right!”

“You’re pretty much a single mom, you’re doing everything on your own. You don’t really need him. He’s not even there, nor helping you with the kids. I’d get rid of him. Edit; Also, it’s not controlling that you ask him to be back by 9. It’s a respect thing.”

“Absolutely not. He is not being a husband and father, he is being irresponsible and acting like a teenager. I would have a serious conversation about your relationship and possibly seek therapy because it sounds like you’ve become a single parent and he’s an extra child.”

“Honestly, it sounds like you’re the side chick.”

“Why aren’t you working? Why isn’t he working? You’re not being controlling. He should be helping with his kids if he isn’t working. Leave him. It will never get better. You’re basically a single mom already. You might as well be single. Take care of your kids and eventually, you’ll find someone who loves you and your kids and you won’t have to beg him to be around.”

“I think you need to ask yourself if you really need that kind of man in your life…”

“If he is unemployed he should not be gone UNLESS he is looking for jobs, which normally ends at 5 pm…”

“Sounds like my husband. He had a very tight schedule and I was only allotted 1 to 1.5 hours of time. Checked the call logs. He was cheating.”

“That’s not a husband, that’s an immature man child. Live your life without his input, he will either see what he is missing or take himself out of the equation. Stop wasting your time and your life stressing over his selfish acts.”

“It would be a cold day in hell if I allowed that to go on. Absolutely not. That’s so disrespectful. You’re worth more than that.”

“How long has this been going on? If he wasn’t like this prior to going on unemployment, depending on who he is as a person/his work ethic, he could be falling into a deep depression and having a midlife crisis. The first few months of being a stay-at-home literally nearly killed me, because I was raised that the men work hard and support the family. I felt useless and a failure of a man (even though I’m being Mr. Mom as a MilSpouse overseas). It nearly killed my wife and I’s marriage because she felt the same way a lot of you ladies do about it…

… Or, he could just be a scumbag and cheating. It’s hard to really give good advice without intricate details. I’d have a heart to heart with him, explaining how you’re feeling through all of this, bite the bullet and ask him what he wants the outcome of all of this to be, and explain that you can’t stick around feeling like a doormat. If it’s a mental issue, you can try to support him through it and get him help (assuming he wants to improve himself) If he doesn’t see how dire the situation is, it’s time to focus on what’s best for you and your kids.”

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