A woman writes in asking for advice about her upcoming wedding. She says she has been dreaming of a big wedding for years, but her fiancé recently expressed a desire to keep things on a much smaller scale. She doesn’t hate his ideas but is having trouble letting go of her original plans.
A member of the community asks:
“I want a big wedding but my fiancé doesn’t: Advice?
My SO and I got engaged in 2018. We’ve been together for 9 years. I always dreamed of marrying him, having a wedding, wearing a wedding dress, and being surrounded by all of those we love for our big day. We were thinking of just having a smaller wedding of 100 people. I even went to try on wedding dresses today just to get an idea of sizing, styles, etc. The thing is, my SO mentioned when I got home that he’d like to go on a short vacation for a week just me and him and then have a small dinner party at home when we’re back after signing papers. I do like the idea; however, when he said that, I felt my heart sink a little bit. I know it sounds beautiful. I want to want that too. But I can’t help wanting to be able to wear a wedding dress and have an actual wedding. I also want to see our families come together that day. I’ve been so excited about planning, etc. I feel like I’m a total brat, but I can’t help how I feel. Have any of you been in this situation? I wasn’t even sure what to say to be honest.”
Community Advice for The Woman Who Wants a Big Wedding Even Though Her Fiancé Doesn’t
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this woman in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this woman in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“We did a week in Jamaica just us and it was awesome. I do still dream of having an actual wedding…been married for almost 10 years. We’ve thought about doing a renewal and having a wedding but then I think of a week alone without the four boys. I don’t think you could go wrong with either… Maybe a small destination wedding??”
“My husband and I were together for 9 1/2 years before we actually got married. We were married in his dad’s church and it was really small but I still wore my wedding dress!!!! We then had a reception for our family and friends to celebrate and spent the rest of that money on OUR time together! Because your marriage and relationship are about each other that is what your focus should be during your wedding/marriage ceremony. Talk it over and decide what you 2 think will mean more to you 20 years down the road. The 10 minutes of your wedding or that time you took to enjoy each other! For us after being married now 10 years it was definitely that time together!!!!”
“My husband and I got married on the beach at sunset in Hawaii. My mom, and sister and his parents came. We spent 3-1/2 weeks in Hawaii island hopping and it was still way less than a “real” wedding that lasts for what? A few hours?? Nope. Wouldnt trade it.”
“Could you compromise? Have a small intimate ceremony but a big reception later? You can show the video of the wedding at the reception.”
“Big weddings are a scam for companies to make money. You’ve been together so long already, why make a big deal of it now? Just sign the papers at the courthouse and use that money to go on a cruise or to Europe or something big for you two to celebrate.”
“Tell him to find a compromise. Have a small ceremony (actually small, 100 people isn’t small. More like 30.) go on a trip for a few days and then host a party when you get back. Don’t go overboard with the wedding and DIY a lot of things to save money. Don’t get unnecessary things. Centerpieces? Nope. Plan a shorter trip and then have a party when you get back so you can show everyone pics of the trip. Consider it the honeymoon. He should have told you what he wanted before you saw yourself in beautiful wedding dresses and already made some plans. And after 9 years, you should get a wedding. Also, it’s not being a brat to want a wedding and bring your families together, he also has to compromise.”
Do you have any advice for this mom? Leave a comment to help another mom out!
Over on the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, our robust community of moms is always having a conversation about topics that matter. We like to highlight those conversations from time to time. Important mom questions. Thoughtful mom answers.
Do you have a question you’d like answered? Submit it to the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, and we may feature it along with some of the best answers on this site! You can remain completely anonymous while still getting the information and support you need from other moms who know what it’s like.