A dad writes in asking for advice after he became the primary caregiver of his stepchildren, whose biological father is no longer in their lives and never really has been. Now that they are getting older, the dad feels it’s important to tell his kids about their biological father. However, he doesn’t know at what age is a good age to have the talk.
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A member of the community asks:
“I need some advice. I’ve been with my twins since they were 14 months old. I was there to watch their first steps as well as their first words. I was up in the middle of the night, changing diapers, bottles, etc. In every regard, I am their dad.
Even though their sperm donor is in no way involved (he’s never called, sent birthday presents, Christmas presents, nothing), I still feel it’s important to let them know about him. They’re four years old. At what age do you feel it is appropriate for me to have this talk with them?”
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Community Advice for This Dad Who Needs to Talk to His Step Kids About Their Biological Father
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Advice Summary
Because this dad’s children are still only just four years old, many community members suggested that he wait until they are a little bit older. One commenter wrote, “Around 7-10, whenever they start realizing how babies are made…”
Another person added, “Older. My husband’s brother is the same. He was there before the child was born. And, in every aspect, is the father except for the sperm donor. He is 12 and knows now only because the parents were divorced and it came out. The dad went to court and got custody even though the child isn’t biologically his.”
And one parent said, “It kind of depends. If their biological dad isn’t going to be apart of their lives, I would wait until they’re old enough to understand what it means to be biologically related. If he wants to be apart of their lives, I would do it sooner. That way their questions can be answered and such. Four is probably too young though, I’d wait until 6 or 7.”
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