One woman is sharing her traumatic birth story in hopes of advice after her husband missed the birth of their first child for another woman.
The original poster (OP) made the entry to Reddit’s AITA, Am I The Asshole, saying: “My husband has this best friend, Anna. They’ve been friends for a long time and dated years ago, mutually deciding that its best for them to remain friends. I’ve had no problem with this relationship until now.”
“On the day that I gave birth, Anna’s brother got into a car accident. My husband got a call from her in the middle of the night and asked him if he could drop her at the hospital her brother was at (an hour away from us) since she was too scared to drive. My husband agreed, told me quickly while I was half-asleep and rushed out.”
And that is when this story turned ugly, fast.
“A few hours later, I had contractions and called my husband. He didn’t pick up after multiple tries so I gave up and called my Dad, who drove me to the local hospital (12 minutes away). I was so scared of giving birth alone since I’ve had about 3 miscarriages and 1 stillborn.”
“My husband promised me that no matter what, he’d be there for me. Guess what? He wasn’t. We called multiple times while I was in labor and when he finally picked up my Dad’s call when I was giving birth, saying that he’d misplaced his phone in the chaos, my Dad informed him that no matter how fast he drives anymore, he’s going to miss the birth of his child.”
So how did the husband respond? It’s worse than you’d expect…
“Well, my husband took that as “he’s already screwed up, so it doesn’t matter when he shows up at this point” so when he FINALLY came, our daughter was about 5 hours old and I’d already moved to the maternity ward. When he came, I refused to let him see our baby (edit: did let husband hold and play with baby after discharge) because I was so high on emotions and was shaking when I saw him and didn’t want it negatively affect my time with the baby. I wanted her birth to be a happy time and I was already struggling to feed her.”
The OP went on to reveal how she refused to let her husband see their daughter, aside from holding her up to the window. She then informed her husband she would most likely divorce him. The husband broke down and quickly rebutted that Anna’s brother was in serious critical condition and while he is fine, Anna needed him. And, despite Anna’s parents were there, she is not close with them and she was in an “unbearable state.”
“I told him that I didn’t care and that his daughter has already come second to him and all she did was be born. I’m putting my daughter’s and my health first and won’t let her be sidelined. My husband agreed and left. However, Anna called me later and said that I was being controlling and she’d never met someone as cruel as me for not letting a father see his baby. I told her that my husband made his decision and that this was his doing not mine.”
The OP went on to ask if the internet if she was in the wrong but later added quite a few new pieces of information that added the already sticky situation.
The OP clarified after several comments how Anna’s brother was not in a life/death situation and it was Anna’s parents who managed “the hospital stuff,” while her husband was there as emotional support for Anna. She additionally shared how she did allow her husband to see their baby after she was discharged but wanted a couple of days of rest and bonding after the emotional rollercoaster of a day.
But the additional information gets more disheartening.
“After he learned I was giving birth, they already knew that Anna’s brother was going to be alright. He spent that time making sure that Anna was okay and feeding her and then waiting for the brother to regain consciousness. He could’ve come back after seeing his daughter to talk with the brother. He would’ve made it back in time.”
“In the midst of this whole mess, this post made me realize I never checked on Anna’s brother to see how he’s healing because I was so irked by Anna. I called him and he said that he was doing well and will be out of his wheelchair soon. He asked about me and the baby and how I was doing with the split and if I was okay with my husband.”
It was that moment she learned what was really going on between the two.
“Anna’s brother kindly informed me that he and Anna’s parents thought that my husband and I split when I was 7 months pregnant and that Anna and him were back on. He showed up at the hospital as Anna’s boyfriend which is why they didn’t bat an eye that he was there and not with his pregnant wife. Because apparently we split. Her brothers procedures were done well before the afternoon so I don’t know that my husband and Anna were doing for all those hours, but I don’t even wanna know.”
Her post was flooded with responses, with one user commenting: “NTA- Let’s ignore the fact that he ran to her rescue in the middle of the night while you were that far along in your pregnancy. Any decent husband would make sure to have his phone on him 24/7 when not at home with a wife about to give birth. As soon as he found out you were in labor, he should have rushed to be with you. He chose Anna over you and your daughter. He missed the most important moment in your lives to be there for her. Then he called Anna to complain to her about you. I am not a jealous person, but there is no way I would tolerate his behavior and his obvious putting Anna before you. I would seriously be considering divorce as well. Marriage counseling at a bare minimum. I would also be concerned about his feelings/relationship with Anna.”
While another said: “I knew this is what was going on as soon as I started reading OP’s post; I just f****** knew it. OP, congratulations on your beautiful and healthy daughter. You are by no means TA. Go and have a happy family without your soon-to-be ex-husband.”
What do you think? Be sure to comment below!
With a background in the creative and educational fields, Amelia Finefrock is freelance writer, singer-songwriter and nanny based in Chicago.
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