One father is asking Reddit’s infamous AITA if he is in the wrong after he blew his daughter’s wedding fund of $35K after he found out she eloped.
“My only child “Diana” and her now husband started dating in college and had been engaged just before the pandemic hit. After not being able to really plan for over a year due to everything they decided a couple weeks ago to just take a trip the two of them and elope. I’m very happy for them and honestly I’m glad to not have to deal with the stress of wedding planning.”
“I had 35k about set aside for her wedding in an account [I’ve] had for a long time. After she told me the news I was thrilled to be able to put it to other use. My car has been having some trouble lately so I decided to just treat myself and get a new car in cash with the wedding fund. I paid about 30k and with the rest of the money, my wife and I decided we would take our own little getaway. I didn’t think this was controversial.”
Cut to the moment when Diana found out…
“Then this past weekend Diana was over and asked if since I didn’t have to pay for a big wedding if they could get the money to use towards a down payment. I told her sorry but that’s how I paid for my new car and will be paying for my upcoming trip. To say she was upset is an understatement. I figured I’d just let her cool off but then last night by ex (her mom) called me too telling me I made a selfish move and said some more things I won’t repeat. I never told her it was a wedding or whatever she wanted fund so I didn’t think I did anything wrong. Would really appreciate some nonbiased perspectives.”
The OP went on to clarify a few points, including a bit more backstory on the awkward situation…
“Edit: sorry if I worded this poorly, I’m not the best writer. I’m a blue-collar guy. She knew that I had money put aside for her wedding. It was something we talked about when she first got engaged over a year ago but it’s came up at times before that too. Just something I planned for due to having a daughter.”
He also went on to claim there were strings attached to the fund and his perspective on the entire ordeal.
“I never told her it was a fund for her to use on whatever. I paid for her college and planned on paying for her wedding but beyond that didn’t plan on paying her way through life.”
“My parents didn’t/couldn’t help me out financially much in life so my goal was to pay for her schooling and wedding so she could start adulthood on the right foot. I felt like I accomplished that. We are far from wealthy, I did not go to college, but I always did my best to save and be responsible with money so I could help her start off the right way.”
All that being said, the father still wanted to help out in other ways.
“I never expected to be paying her way through life. Maybe it’s a dated traditional mindset but I always believed after your kids officially start their own family your job as a provider has been accomplished and it is their turn to provide for themselves. Now it’s my time to put myself and own finances #1. I had her very young (19) and still have a lot of working years left until retirement, hence the need for a reliable car.”
One person said: “This. Like, he doesn’t owe her that money but the fact that he would spend it on a wedding and nothing anything else sends a horrible message about what he values about her and their relationship. Like she’s just somebody’s future wife. If I was her I would be upset, not just about the money but about what it said about my dad’s mindset.”
While another said: “I can hear where the daughter is coming from. She feels that the money for supposed to be used for her and since her big wedding didn’t happen she should be able to use it for another purpose. That said, she is being entitled here. If she discussed the situation with her dad beforehand (“we decided to elope, would you be open to giving us the “wedding money” to spend on a house etc”) then they might have worked something out, or dad could have said no. The issue is that she assumed it was “still hers” and is now disappointed that they can’t buy a house right away and is behaving childishly. OP, you are NTA. Daughter is allowed to be disappointed, but not an ungrateful, entitled brat. Especially since you paid for all her schooling.”
What do YOU think? Be sure to comment below!
With a background in the creative and educational fields, Amelia Finefrock is freelance writer, singer-songwriter and nanny based in Chicago.
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