A mom writes in asking for advice about whether it would be wrong to raise her daughter as if she were her current boyfriend‘s biological child. She says she is no longer with her children’s — she has two total — father, that he cheated and kicked her out during her second pregnancy. The father has shown no interest in the younger daughter (though is still involved with the older child) and has also exhibited abusive behavior. This mom wants her current boyfriend, who has been there for her, to act as her daughter’s biological father and she never wants to tell her daughter about her real dad.
YOU MAY ALSO LIKE: My Boyfriend Tells Me How to Parent My Kids and I Hate it: Any Advice?
A member of the community asks:
“Would it be wrong if I raised my daughter as my boyfriends?
So I have an almost two-year-old, and a one-month-old. They both have the same father, but when I was pregnant with our second, he cheated on me kicked me out and had treated me like sh*t since, calls me a stupid b*tch on a daily basis, blocks me for days or even weeks on end and has me co-parent with the chick he cheated on me with, I and she surprisingly get along so it’s whatever… but he hasn’t been involved with the baby at all, my entire pregnancy he didn’t ask how it was going, told me I ruined his vacation by sending him an ultrasound picture of her, wasn’t involved in her birth, and even after I sent pictures of her to his girlfriend he never reached out to ask any questions about her, if she was healthy or even okay, absolutely nothing, and even a month later has still not asked anything about her or seen her, and he literally comes to my home every Friday and Sunday and won’t even look at me. He plays on his phone until I’m done putting our older daughter in the car.
He still active in our older daughter’s life; he takes her every weekend. Now my question is, I met a man when I was pregnant, he helped me my entire pregnancy, he came to every appointment with me, he talked and rubbed my belly all the time, he was with me during her birth and cut her Umbilical cord, and treats her as if she was his, would I be the bad guy for not telling her about her dad and just raising her as my boyfriend nows daughter? I don’t ever want to explain why her dad takes her sister but not her; I never want her to question anything about him. She doesn’t deserve to hurt over him. All she’s going to know is my boyfriend, so why would I teach her differently?”
Community Advice for This Mom Who Wants to Know if It Is Wrong to Raise Her Daughter As If Her Boyfriend Is Her Biological Father
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“How long can you possibly have known this new boyfriend? 6 or 7 months? How about waiting for a while instead of rushing into a new relationship when you just had a baby? Do you have a job? What if this guy turns out to be a dud too? How will you support your children?”
“I have 3 kids with 3 different dads. In my own opinion, I couldn’t raise them as someone else’s child. But that’s me. it’s your child and you know what’s best for your children.”
“If he really doesn’t care why don’t you just see if he will agree to adoption for the youngest?”
“You’ve got a while before you need to let the youngest know who is or isn’t her dad. I wouldn’t lie always be honest but a dad is a man that’s there for his child whether blood or not, the biological is just a sperm donor. Also, a sperm donor shouldn’t be able to pick and choose which child he sees, both or none, but saying that the bf is there by choice which will make your youngest feel special as he wanted her and stayed and not because he had too.”
“That would be kinda hard to do since you have two kids with him and one still sees him. You never know if the father would want to see both his children and he could legally if he wanted too. I feel like your daughter would find out eventually and resent you for lying to her.”
“I wouldn’t hide it. When she’s older just explain to her ok this is your real dad but this is the guy that helped me raise you. And let her make the decision for herself. She’ll know who was there and who wasn’t.”
“Yes. That’s wrong. She will find out. She will resent you forever. I PROMISE.”
Do you have any advice for this mom? Leave a comment to help another mom out!
Over on the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, our robust community of moms is always having a conversation about topics that matter. We like to highlight those conversations from time to time. Important mom questions. Thoughtful mom answers.
Do you have a question you’d like answered? Submit it to the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, and we may feature it along with some of the best answers on this site! You can remain completely anonymous while still getting the information and support you need from other moms who know what it’s like.
Mamas Uncut is THE online place for moms. We cover the latest about motherhood, parenting, and entertainment as well – all with a mom-focused twist. So if you're looking for parenting advice from real parents, we have plenty of it, all for moms from moms, and also experts. Because, at the end of the day, our mission is focused solely on empowering moms and moms-to-be with the knowledge and answers they’re looking for in one safe space.