Ah, is there anything funnier than being a parent of a toddler?
While being a parent of a toddler be exhausting at times, those darn kids saying the silliest things make it all worth it. Scroll on for our favorite toddler memes, paired with our favorite toddler moments recalled by the good parents of Reddit.
“Walking in Target past two chicks in super tight short dresses,” one parent shared. “My son was 4 at the time and always wanted to be as close to naked as he could get. As we go past them he says (rather loud) ‘why don’t they have to wear pants and I do?'”
“At the pool, my 3yo recently said to my husband, ‘You have fur between your boobs,'” one parent recalls. “My husband says, ‘It’s called chest hair.’ To which he proudly says, “’ have tiny boobs!’ Lifting up his little swim shirt for the world to see.”
“My husband was driving and someone almost hit us,” one parent shared. “He said ‘NICE GOING MORON!’ And my [kid] says from the back seat, ‘Oh daddy…was that your friend Moron?'”
“Walked in on my then 3-year old sitting on the toilet with a bag of Doritos,” one parent recalled. “I looked at him with raised eyebrows and he said, ‘this is my eating hand, this is my wiping hand!’ I couldn’t argue with that logic!”
“My daughter (3) also walked in on me in the bathroom midway through changing out my menstrual pad,” one parent shared. “She proceeded to scold me for soiling my ‘diaper’ and told me very sanctimoniously (for someone who absolutely refuses to s*** in a toilet) that I should go in the toilet next time.”
“My 3-year-old is currently mispronouncing ‘clucking’ as ‘f******,'” one parent admitted.
“‘Mommy! Chickens! F*** F*** F***!”
“‘Mommy! The chickens are F***iiiiinnnnnggg!’
“We made the mistake of laughing so now he thinks it’s something we love to hear. Like in the middle of the grocery store, ‘Mommiiieeee, f***? You like f***iiinnng!'”
“My son is almost 2. He pronounces sit as s***. Hilarious when he points to the couch next to him. And says ‘daddy s***.'”
“She wouldn’t eat her dinner…macaroni and cheese and chopped up hot dogs. I was getting frustrated,” one parent wrote, “…when she suddenly looked me in the eye and said very seriously ‘I can’t eat dis. I think the hot dogs are making the noodles noivous…’ Turns out I’d undercooked the pasta. I had to hide my face to keep her from seeing me laugh. To this day we call undercooked or al dente pasta ‘nervous’.”
“My three-year-old tried to punish her dad for not giving her something she wanted,” another parent shared. “Unfortunately, she lacked the vocabulary to call him anything actually devastating. So she called him a ‘yuck’ with as much fury as she could muster. I had to chastise her with a straight face for calling her dad a name, but I laughed my a** off when she was sitting in time out.”
“When my twins were around 2 years old they were in their high chairs eating,” one parent shared. “My son kept stealing food off of my daughter’s plate. She finally slapped his hand and said. ‘Stop touching my food, f*****!’ I had to laugh, my husband was mortified.”
“Well, you know how kisses make all the boo boos feel better? In public, my then two-year-old slipped and fell on his bottom and started crying,” one parent recalled. “He then asked me to ‘kiss my butt!’ and I didn’t. So from his point of view, mommy has the cure for his pain and is not sharing it, so he started sobbing ‘Mommy kiss my butt!’ over and over again.”
“When my son was 4, he was really into Paw Patrol,” another parent shared. “For those of you fortunate enough to have never heard the theme tune, it goes something like.. ‘Paw patrol, paw patrol, we’ll be there on the double.. No job too big! No job too small! Paw patrol, were on a roll!..’ Earlier in the day, my son had been asking me about different types of dogs and we had mentioned cockapoo’s. As I was cooking dinner, I heard a little voice singing from the living room.. ‘Cockapoo..cockapoo.. no cock too big! No cock too small!!’ .. I don’t think I’ve ever heard the theme tune in the same way again.”
“When my youngest was 3 he had a magnetic alphabet on the fridge he’d play with,” one parent shared. “He put the letter ‘A’ on like a ring and it got stuck on his finger so he panicked and ran to me. Through tears, he told me ‘I got my finger stuck in my ‘A’ hole’.”
“When my youngest was 2 she pronounced ‘microphone’ as ‘mofo,” the parent began, revealing in addition how she would ask to get on peoples’ laps by saying “up? yours?”
“So we’re at my husband’s grandparents’ 75th-anniversary dinner with his entire extended family and much of his church community (he was a deacon). Husband stands up to make a toast on behalf of the grandchildren. Youngest sees that he is getting to use the microphone to do so. I am trying to deal with child #3’s bloody nose, and am unable to stop youngest as she runs to her dad, shouting (because 2-year-olds have one volume, ‘as loud as physically possible’) mofo! Up! Yours!'”
“Husband attempts to ignore her, so she launches into full monkey mode and shimmies up him to the microphone, and everyone in the church hall gets to hear ‘MOFO! UP! YOURS!’ a good ten times before he can wrestle the mofo away from her.”
With a background in the creative and educational fields, Amelia Finefrock is freelance writer, singer-songwriter and nanny based in Chicago.
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