25 Funny Tweets From Moms About Husbands and the Paradox of Marriage

25 Funny Tweets From Moms About Husbands and the Paradox of Marriage

Well, many of us have been spending a little too much time together with our significant others. And, it shows. Social distancing, stay at home orders, and other restrictions have resulted in copious amounts of time being spent (trapped) at home with our families. This means that many of us are learning (resenting) more about our partners than we previously thought possible.

In light of the precarious familial situation we now find ourselves in, we decided to find the funniest tweets about marriage as told by wives and moms. Because the best place to air one’s grievances is Twitter, the tweets about husbands tend to be hilarious, bordering on genius observations. Here are 25 funny tweets from moms about husbands that will make you feel seen.

Not Hot, But Bothered

This tweet somehow embodies the phrase, “don’t waste your breath.” We’re big fans of Jessie‘s tweets and her pronouncements about marriage.

Knowledge is Power

There’s more than one way to skin a cat. Here, we learn that faking a headache is not the only way to get out of sex. Instead, hit below the belt and bring up old flames and the fact that the Patriots continue to cheat.

The Empty Gesture

A word of advice to husbands: cook. They make entire books about it and everything!

Signs (2002)

This, this, this, right here! How many glasses of water does one man need?

Jessie, Queen of Telling It Like it Is

There’s a time and place for everything. We would all be wise to remember this when posing a weighted question.

A Turn On

Is the joke that the husband actually tossed something out or that he got blamed for doing so? At any rate, finding reasons to love is the name of the game.

She’s Not Okie Dokie

Marriage changes you. In an attempt to keep things upbeat, this husband has fallen into the cutesy-wootsy word trap.

She’s Over Okie Dokie

Avoiding confrontation is a sport and a necessity when you’re married. The unoffensive “okie dokie” is just an attempt to avoid carnage.

Such a Mess

Wouldn’t life be so much better if we, as a culture, brought back the outhouse? Moms, of course, would never have to use it. The scenic latrine would be reserved for the husband and children’s use.

Where There’s a Will…

When passive-aggressive hints aren’t doing the trick, it’s time to drop the passive and move on to plain aggression. You live and you learn.

To Each Their Own

100%. There’s just no other way. It defies reason that a grown adult has made it so far in life without learning to properly use one of the simplest inventions known to man.

Buon Appetito!

Discovering that your partner does things differently is what marriage is all about. The idea is that you both learn new things from each other and… Yeah, right! Some things are just dead-wrong.

Why Do They Do It?

A husband’s feeble attempt to try and tune out the world is utterly futile. Turn the TV down or suffer the consequence of aggressive nail-filing in very close proximity.

Miracles Do Happen

This stunning portrait captures the moment well.

Fault Grounds

A spouse has the superpower of knowing how to completely undo a task that took you a considerable amount of time in a mere matter of seconds. That being said, employing some common sense every once in a while can generally help you avoid the dissolution of a marriage.

The Hopeless Romantic

This is a perfect tweet. Once we all learn that the S.O. we fell in love with is a completely different individual than the S.O. we married, things will be much easier.

Someone Needs Space

Distance makes the heart grow fonder, even if that means pulling your phone away from your face. We’ve all done irrational things in a heated moment. No shame in that game.

Not His Recap

Contrary to popular belief, a wife does not hold the answers to all of life’s mysteries.

Married Life Comes at You Fast

The peaks and valleys of married life are ridden more like a rollercoaster than a leisurely road trip. Buckle up!

Commitment

This tweet from four years ago somehow feels perfectly timely. Ever since the pandemic, we keep noticing every little cough. Did we all sound like this before?

Coffee is Love, Love is Life

The old, instruct-your-husband-to-do-a-thing-you-want-by-explaining-why-the-thing-is important-to-the-children trick. Works like a charm every time!

Playing Dirty to Get Him to Clean

How hard is it to get a spouse to pick up after themselves? People have to go to the lengths of feigning a sexual advance. What a world.

Finally!

No one sets out to marry Grizzly Adams, but it ends up that way for some. Oh, what a smooth day this must have been!

Have you seen my…?

This would be funny if it weren’t painfully true. Between the children losing everything and the husband not putting the car keys in the right place, it’s a wonder many wives have not lost their minds.

RELATED: 25 Funny Tweets From Husbands About Their Wives That Are All Too Real

How Hard is this Ask, Really?

A mom’s work is never done. Just do the things! It’s not rocket science.

There you go! 25 tweets from wives about their husbands that range from painfully true to hilariously over the top. We hope you enjoyed these very funny tweets and didn’t let the fires of resentment swell within you.

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