One user is asking Reddit if they are in the wrong for asking their grandfather down the aisle over their stepdad.
“My dad died when I was 12. My parents were long since divorced. My mom introduced me to her husband 2 days after my 13th birthday and married him five months later. I think my mom’s husband was hoping I would see him as another parent and dad figure. But because of my age I always saw him as my mom’s husband,” the OP (original poster) begins.
“We get along fine but he was never someone I looked to for dad stuff. That fell to my grandpa, my dad’s dad. Even before my dad died I was around my paternal grandparents a lot and I looked to my grandpa as another dad figure. So when I got engaged last year I asked my grandfather if he would walk me down the aisle.”
The OP went onto explain why she wanted her grandfather to walk her down the aisle.
“Not because I wanted something super traditional but I was always a daddy’s girl, and he was my favorite person when I was a kid, so he would have been by my side regardless. My fiancé and I decided we would walk together with one parent beside us. So I chose my grandfather in place of my dad and my fiancé chose his mom.”
“I didn’t really say anything because I didn’t think I needed to. But when my mom’s husband asked who was walking me and I told him, my grandpa, he got really quiet for like an hour and then asked me why I chose my grandpa over him. My mom was there at that point and asked why I would ask a grandparent over a parent.”
Her family wasn’t exactly happy with her decision.
“I said I wanted my grandpa there to represent my dad, and because we had a very close, very important relationship. I said my mom and her husband would be walking together during the wedding. They said it wasn’t enough and that he should have been asked first as the true father figure. I told them my grandpa was more of a father figure to me and had the more influential role in my life and that I was sorry if feelings were hurt but my grandpa was who I wanted there.”
“My mom’s husband said I should have considered him more, and at least just walk with my fiancé if I wouldn’t even ask him to be by my side. My mom told me she was disappointed in me. That it’s not what my dad would have wanted. I told her I think this is exactly what my dad would have wanted. Which she couldn’t argue back with. It’s been a little bit and there is still tension there.”
One person commented: “His hurt feelings aren’t OP’s responsibility. I’m pretty sure the writing was on the wall since the mother got married, so it shouldn’t be a shock. I don’t get why step-parents try to force this crap so much. I loved my stepmother and still consider her one even after my dad divorced her, but even she would understand if I chose my mother over her for something like this.”
While another said: “NTA. Your wedding, your choice. Your stepfather is making your wedding about him and his hurt feelings. He was your mother’s choice, not yours and you are much closer to your paternal grandfather. Your stepfather is allowed to have his feelings on the issue, but that’s where it ends. Him telling you that you should have considered him more and just to walk with your fiance crosses the line. You’re doing what feels natural and best for you; now your mother and stepfather need to respect your decision. You have done nothing wrong here.”
With a background in the creative and educational fields, Amelia Finefrock is freelance writer, singer-songwriter and nanny based in Chicago.
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