Have you ever met a child you felt pity for solely for the bad baby name their parents gave them? It’s not the child’s fault but sane parents should know better. You might feel a certain way about names like Mildred, Rufus, and Olga but we can confirm that these appellations are tame compared to some of the names new parents have tried to give their child. A Reddit user recently asked nurses and midwives if they had ever talked a parent out of a bad baby name. The response was overwhelming as an army of nurses and midwives responded with some of the worst baby names on earth.
Out of a sheer sense of embarrassment for all involved, it’s impossible not to laugh at some of the bad baby names parents have proposed. We felt the need to share with you the joy of awful baby names and, thus, created a list of the midwives’ and nurses’ responses. From Colon to Syphilis, here are 25 bad baby names health professionals urged parents to rethink.
25. Monster Galileo
“Boss’s friend named their kid Monster Galileo,” one person replied. “Nurse tried to talk them out of it. Called in child services to talk them out of it.” Even with the intervention, the parents “insisted.” Now, the family has dropped the first name and he now just “goes by Galileo.”
“My boyfriend was nearly called Eggbert… But predominantly egg for short,” one person revealed. They were going to call their beloved child Egg. That’s one we can’t begin to crack.
One person described how their mother, a maternity nurse, met a couple “Who wanted to name their son ‘Collin’ but wanted to give him a ‘unique’ spelling for it.” She explained that the family “spelled it out for her to put on the birth certificate C-O-L-O-N. As in, the organ attached to your anus,” the reply continued.
Another person described a couple who named their child Mileage, “pronounced My Liege, like you would refer to a King.” The person went on to explain that the “pronunciation and the spelling made me question why i deal with this customer base.”
Another person wrote about their time as a registrar of birth certificates. One of their favorite bad baby names was Killer. However, we do not think that the little one will be slaying the game.
The same registrar also shared a story about another couple who “heard the name Syphilis around” and that they wanted to use it for their daughter. We imagine that the couple was likely after an alternative to Phyllis, but they landed on Syphilis instead. That’s got to be one of the worst baby names we have ever heard of.
One individual described a dad who wanted to name his newborn daughter Sky, but instead of a Y, he insisted on the name being spelled differently as Ski. One little girl was nearly named for the alpine sport before the mother and nurse shot it down. We understand that having a baby is exciting, but new parents really do need to chill.
“I have a false leg, and the midwife had to talk my parents out of naming me ‘Peggy.'” one person shared. Thankfully, cooler heads prevailed.
“I tried to tell someone not to name their kid Tarmac,” one comment said. “They learned the word from NASCAR.”
One medical student told the story of a mom who wanted to name her newborn Mudpiles. “The nurses silently protested and waited a few days. Mom changed her mind,” the med student revealed.
One person described encountering the name Meganathan. “To date, I don’t know why Nathan failed to suffice,” they said. That’s a whole lot of Nathan.
“The best one was Alivia (pronounced Ah-Lee-Vee-ah),” one person shared. “When speaking with the grandmother she said that the mom wanted to name her Olivia but the father hated the name. Dad saw a bottle of Aleve on the counter so he and the mother compromised and came up with Alivia.” A pill can’t cure bad baby names, folks.
13. Tangerine & Plague
“My ex-husband didn’t think it was fair that girls could be named ‘Grace’ or ‘Hope,’ and he seriously suggested ‘Pestilence,’ ‘War,’ or ‘Plague.’ And his choice for a girl was ‘Tangerine.’ Fortunately, we never had any children.”
12. Ichabod Rusty Ford
“My mother wanted to name my baby brother ‘Ichabod Rusty.’ Our surname is ‘Ford,’ and she was determined to call him ‘Icky Rusty Ford.’ She tickled herself sh*tless through her pregnancy, but eventually, my dad said ‘No,’ and they settled on something much more appropriate.”
11. Red & Blue
“I lived with a student midwife when I was a student, and the first set of twins she delivered were named ‘Red’ and ‘Blue.'” Was the mom a fan of The Matrix?
One person described someone’s long, long baby names journey. “I had a coworker named Trina, and when she was pregnant, she told me that she and her husband decided to name their baby ‘Latrine.’ I had to explain to her that she was naming her poor baby after the hole in the ground that soldiers sh*t into!”
The baby name saga did not end there! “She was horrified, and changed it to ‘Katrina.’ Then, two days after the kid was born, Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans.”
9. Corn Peas
“My brother wanted to name our soon-to-be younger brother ‘Corn Peas,’ and our parents almost went with it because they felt bad for asking for his input and then rejecting it,” one person shared. “Fortunately, they got over that.”
8. Raider God
“My uncle wanted to name his daughter ‘Raider God.’ I’m glad they settled on Jada,” one person said. Would that child become a deity of surprise attacks? What are people thinking when it comes to baby names?
“My coworker went to school with a girl named ‘Fallopia,'” a responder wrote. “I feel sorry for her when she’s in biology class and they talk about Fallopian tubes.” We are tired.
“I once had a student named ‘Linoleum,'” one teacher wrote. “Some midwife definitely dropped the ball on that one.” Were they searching for an alternative to Liam and got lost on the way?
5. Sweet Prayer Sunrise
One person told the story of a parent who insisted on using the name “Sweet Prayer Sunrise.” We think this person needs to do some praying themselves before choosing any baby names.
4. Covid Bryant
One responder said she had heard the name Covid Bryant proposed. It turns out, it’s a real baby name that was covered by Australian media at the time. We appreciate timely baby names as much as the next person but Covid for the pandemic and Bryant for the late LA Lakers Player is too much tragedy in one name!
3. Reberta Edwina
One person described how a dad was named Robert Edwin [Surname] III, and even though he was having a daughter, he insisted on passing down the name to another child. The baby girl was set to be named Reberta Edwina [Surname] IV(what he considered an acceptable female version of his own name) before a midwife intervened.
A child was named Yanique and the responder explained that it’s pronounced “unique.” We can find better baby names than that, parents!
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1. Tawanna Love
Tawanna is an offbeat baby name but it’s not until you see it in its full context with the baby’s surname that you will catch the issue. A child was actually given the name Tawanna Love, according to one responder. So much love to give!
There you go! What did you think of these bad baby names that nurses and midwives shared? We hope you got a kick out of them as they are truly some of the most ridiculous monikers we have ever heard. Parents, take a breath. Do some research. Check out our baby names section for credible baby name ideas! We tepidly believe in you!
Andrew is a Chicago-based writer who enjoys finding the best of the internet, obsessively making lists, and cooking for friends. After studying Film and Art History, he developed a deep love for both topics. Celebrity news, pop culture, and stories that bring people together are his passions.
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