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QUESTION: My 11-Year-Old Daughter Came Out As Bisexual and I’m Not Sure How to Handle It: Advice?
“My 11-year-old daughter just came to me recently about thinking she is bisexual. She says she likes a girl in her class, and she’s had a crush on boys.
I don’t care if she likes boys or girls; I just feel she is too young to need to define what sexual orientation she is. She defines people by them being gay, lesbian, or straight. I try and explain to her they’re all still people. What they choose sexually doesn’t define them.
I don’t know how to deal with this. She only recently turned 11. She watches a lot of stuff on youtube that I don’t approve of, but until I get my own place, she and my son are at their dad’s grandma’s, and they really don’t get involved with what the kids watch on youtube.
She watches stories or plays games that define the characters through how they identify sexually. ‘Gacha Life’ if anyone has ever heard of it. I guess I’m just looking for suggestions. Thank you.”
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“Just be grateful she tells ya things, momma. My daughter has always told me everything… some things were a phase, some weren’t… but I always let her know it’s ok…I do want to say tho… mine thought she was bisexual when she was 13 because a lot of other girls were experimenting with it.”
“Don’t tell her she shouldn’t define herself by her sexuality, tell her that she can define herself however she wants, and that who she is or how she defines herself will change and develop as she grows. Then tell her you’ll support her no matter who she is – now, or in 10 years – she’ll always your best girl.”
“My stepdaughter is the same exact age and watches Gacha Life all the time. She came forward to us a few months back about thinking she wants to be a boy. But all her friends are in this phase where they all think they’re bi, or gay, or trans as well so we think it’s nothing more than peer pressure. They all also watch those weird youtube animes. We told her there’s nothing wrong with being a tomgirl and not liking girly things which is the whole basis of why she thinks she should be a boy instead…
… We tell her the most unique and special thing you can possibly be is yourself. If it’s something she still is passionate about as she gets older…we’ll support it. But we have not been asking or overbearing about it and we certainly aren’t pushing any ideas onto her. She just dropped the subject on her own completely. 2 weeks later it was onto a new anime on YouTube and wanting to join the volleyball team with all her little girlfriends. As soon as her friends dropped the topic… so did she.”
“I knew I was bisexual at maybe 10 when I started having crushes on both girl and guy characters on TV. Nothing to do with social media back then and it wasn’t accepted and no one ‘believed’ me and it has been one hell of a road. I wish I had had games and people to identify with as I was always so confused! Well, almost 25 years later I’m still as bisexual as ever! Be happy she feels comfortable enough to tell you things! Always just be supportive and not dismissive!”
“In all honesty I knew I was bisexual at 7. I had sex with a girl long before a guy. So she could be or she could just feel that way and it could also never lead to anything with a girl too. Just be supportive.”
“Your daughter didn’t choose her sexuality, just as you didn’t choose yours. Just be there to love and respect her. The need to seek out stories regarding people’s sexuality is most likely an effort to find a place to be accepted and belong outside of the family. Just be there to listen, any judgment or disapproval could affect your relationship down the track. At the moment she trusts you because she shared this with you.”
“You don’t deal with it. She is who she is. Accept her support her and thats it. She is at an age where she is going to start liking people and if she likes both genders then she does and all you can do is support her through it.”
“I’ve always instilled in my kids it doesn’t matter who they fall in love with (not so much the youngest yet; she’s only 8, but will do). What matters is they find someone who loves them for who they are, treats them with the respect they deserve and makes them as happy as their dad and I are.”
“If straight people can know their sexuality and gender preferences by that age, gay people can too. Sounds to me like you just don’t wanna accept her and are coming up with excuses as to why she shouldn’t define herself.”
“Bottom line, if she came home and said she had a crush on a boy, you wouldn’t say she’s too young to know if she likes boys.”
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