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QUESTION: Do I Have a Right to Be Mad That My Boyfriend DNA-Tested Our Daughter Behind My Back?
My boyfriend tried to DNA test our 3-week old daughter behind my back, without my permission, for a paternity test.
We have been together for over a year; I’ve never cheated, or given him any reason to believe that I have. I’M honest, even when I don’t have to be, and he knows that I would fight for him because when we argue, I’m always the one to try to calmly talk it out like an adult.
He was going off of what a stupid friend of his said. This friend has disrespected me and wanted to break us up in the past, and now I feel like him putting in my boyfriend’s head that his daughter isn’t his is disrespectful to our daughter. And I feel like he is allowing his friend to disrespect his daughter by discrediting her authenticity.
I feel like his friend’s approval is more important than his family. If he had come to me and talked about it, it would have been a different story, but he went to great lengths to try to hide this from me. Am I overreacting or do I have the right to be angry?“
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“Your feelings are your feelings, and you can feel any way you want about it. Don’t deny him a DNA test though. If he has any doubt, he has the right to know and be 100% about it. Again, you can feel any way you want about it. You’re not overreacting. He feels it was needed. You feel like there’s no trust. Maybe he just wanted to be 100% and put any slight worry to rest…
… Don’t be mad he got a DNA test. Be mad he hid it. But still, let him do a DNA test. Now he will probably think you’re hiding something since your mad though, and his feelings are also just as valid as yours. It’s probably best if you let him take the DNA test, and also have a big calm discussion about why it was necessary and why he couldn’t fully trust you, and if your relationship should continue as long as the trust is there.”
“So shocked there’s people actually seeing this as ok. Obviously she would be upset, he has no trust in her, went behind her back. If you can’t bring something like this up straight to her face and talk about it as an adult, then obviously this relationship has issues from the get-go. There’s too many women out here thinking that behavior was okay!”
“You should reevaluate your entire relationship. This is not normal behavior whatsoever.”
“Im at a loss for words. I would want to leave though. He obviously doesn’t trust you. And how could you trust him ever again?”
“I would give him the test, prove yourself and then hand him his walking papers. Obviously, you relationship lacks trust. But this stunt also proves a lack of respect for you. It also shows exactly who comes first to him and it’s not you and your daughter. Do the test and break up with him. A relationship lacking trust and respect isn’t a good one. And you and your daughter deserve someone who puts you both first.”
“I would use that as the final straw and would exit the relationship and use that paternity test for child support.”
“I would be upset. But you know what let the dna test show the truth and he can never throw it up in your face like the baby isn’t his. I do feel he just showed you he doesn’t trust you and after the results come back I’d leave him. That’s just me.”
“Honestly, let him take the test because as a parent it’s his right to be certain. Even if you know for sure he is and you are upset by it. BUT once it comes back positive that he’s the daddy then you can talk to him about how you felt about all of this. And add in how you don’t appreciate his friend’s input on your relationship.”
“Leave and file for child support. The trust is obviously not there on his end. Plus he valued the allegations of his friend over your word. That is not okay.”
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