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QUESTION: My Boyfriend Doesn’t ‘Finish’ When We Have Sex and I Have No Idea What to Think: Advice?
“I have a super awesome boyfriend! I can’t complain about anything at all. He treats me well, my kids well, my family well, and my animals well. He provides and protects. I seriously could not ask for more.
He is 47 and I am 41. We get along great and have lots of fun together. He doesn’t have any kids and at this point does not want to have any, so we don’t have any other kids than mine or any baby mamas in the picture either. Everything is pretty hunky-dory.
The only thing that bothers me a bit at times is that most of the time when we have sex, he does not have an orgasm. He finally just gives up. He doesn’t ever say anything about this or even seem disappointed about it. For example – last night, he gave up and went out to play video games like it was nothing. (And no, he doesn’t do that usually. Typically he just cuddles with me, and we go to sleep, but last night he wasn’t tired.)
I feel like something must be wrong with me for him not to ‘get off.’ I never had this issue with any partner before. And I can give do *other things*, and he can get off fine. Occasionally he even has problems staying hard when actually having sex, and again – he doesn’t act like he is concerned about it or has a problem with it.
Consequently, I don’t say anything because I don’t want to give him a complex about it or make him feel bad about it. I just feel like maybe I am doing something wrong or ????”
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“Since he doesn’t seem concerned about it, I guarantee you something else is getting him off.”
“Maybe it’s could be because he’s circumcised? I’ve been told that it can really affect some men when they get older, losing sensitivity over time.”
“Yes it can be medical!!! Please have him go to urologist or primary to get his PSA level tested! I only know this from experience: my husband was the almost the same way. It was causing a lot of issues in our relationship! He was diagnosed 12/19 with stage 4 prostate cancer.”
“Dear God people, its anxiety. He doesn’t want to get her pregnant, she already said that. It is called performance anxiety. His fear of getting her pregnant prevents him from finishing. There is nothing wrong with him. All guys get it from time to time. Just enjoy your life and stop worrying. If you’re worried about it, get your tubes tied or get on birth control. He will be fine.”
“My husband was the same way. Finally convinced him to talk to his doctor. He was embarrassed to admit it. Turns out there is such a thing as male menopause and his testerone level was low. Started using androgen once a day. Just rub it into his arm and within 2 months problem was better.”
“I think this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. Like ED. Or low testosterone. Get him to a doctor.”
“Could be pain meds
Could be drugs
Could be alcohol
Could be scared of knocking you up
Could be he’s almost 50 and usually when they start having issues down there
My husband is 47 and sometimes after a while of going at it isn’t as hard as he was in the beginning.”
“Honestly, I know exactly where you are coming from. My husband has the same issue. And it hasn’t always been that way. (Been together 16 years) It’s something that’s happened over the last 3 years. But we’ve talked extensively about it because it bothered me… extremely. For 1 thing, my husband’s testosterone was low. Fixed that and things got better for the most part… Then he started taking low-dose antidepressants. (He needs them and they help him.) But it’s a side effect. I promise he’s frustrated as well and no matter how it feels to you… it doesn’t have anything to do with you. I’m on this journey with you, girl.”
“Pain medication and sometimes prescription drugs can cause that.”
“This is something you NEED to say something about and discuss with him. It’s clearly bothering you and every healthy relationship has open communication about things that bother either partner.”
“Maybe the reason he doesn’t have kids. He doesn’t want to finish during sex for that purpose, but will finish other ways. Not everything is medical but can be a choice.”
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