This question was submitted to our community via our Facebook page and/or our Answers forum. Responses are also taken from the community. If you have your own parenting or relationship question you would like answers to, submit on Facebook or Answers.
QUESTION: Who Gets the House After My Boyfriend and I Split Up?
“Not really child-related. Just looking for some advice – things are on thin ice with my boyfriend and me. We do have a child together. We live together. I think we both want to end things, but neither of us wants to move out…
So my question is who gets to stay and who has to find a new place? It’s mostly my stuff in the house, and I’m the one that brings our child to daycare and picks him up (daycare is in the same town where we live, and because of the type of work I do, I need to stay near daycare).
I pay all the bills, he only pays half his rent. I pay half the rent plus tv, internet, groceries anything our child needs… he makes a lot more money than I do. How do you even go about knowing who stays/who goes? We rent and we’re both on lease.”
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“Break up with him let him stay in house just in separate room find yourself a new man have him start coming around; the ex will eventually leave on his own.”
“I know this will probably sound bad to most but when I was splitting from my ex I contacted my landlord before I even said to him I wanted to end it and told them he had already left and got his name taken off my rental agreement because I knew he wouldn’t want to leave and he actually did expect me to leave with four kids even tho the house was mine for years before he moved in with me and the satisfaction I had of telling him he had to go was so good.”
“Let’s just be real for a second. I see some people pressed about “he should stay” “ he should fight for his kid” “ put him on child support” first off she never said she was gonna keep their child from him or put him on child support, all she’s asking about is the house so let’s learn to stay in topic…
… Secondly if she is the one paying mostly everything and is furnished mostly by her stuff then the place should be hers. And I know I’m about to piss some people off but unless she’s an unfit mother odds are the kid will live with her and have visitation set up, and if they are civil then dad will come around whenever he wants. But as a parent why would you want your child to have to move when there isn’t a need for it, much easier for one person who doesn’t have much to leave vs having to pack up a child who has their whole life to pack and move.”
“I say whoever pays majority of the bills and whoever the child will be living with should get to stay, just my opinion.”
“He goes, his child needs a decent place to live and you’re already paying more than half. Keep records of everything.”
“Don’t let a house make y’all stay miserable and let that child see it/feel it. He makes more money so give him the house with all the bills and find you something cheaper!”
“If you’re there one doing nearly all the work and caring for the child then you should keep the house but you can’t make him move if he doesn’t want to. Since it is a rental you might want to start looking for something maybe a bit smaller so you can pay the rent and just move yourself and baby and then seek child support from him. You moving might be a pain at first but it might be the best option to avoid too much conflict.”
“What you need to do, is have a civil adult conversation about who’s leaving and who’s staying and who can afford what. However, whoever is moving out their name needs to be taken off the lease. If you move out your name gets taken off the lease and all the bills get taken out of your name and you transfer them to your new place which means he will have to transfer all the bills into his name…
… If he doesn’t want to do that then simply he moves out you take what’s yours he takes what’s his. And you guys split whatever you bought together or one of you has to pay the other one for the items. So let’s say you guys purchased a dining room table together that cost $600 you want the table which means you owe him for his half you have to figure out depreciation if you bought the table 2 years ago it’s probably no longer worth $600 it’s probably worth more like $500 or $400, so you give him $200…
… That is how most mature adults would split things amicably. If it becomes a big fight then you may want to consider getting a lawyer because if items are a fight custody agreements and visitations will definitely be a fight.”
“Because the child will presumably live with you after the split, you should get to stay. If he has more money he can move and find a new place. Shows he doesn’t think a lot about the child if he won’t leave.”
Mamas Uncut is THE online place for moms. We cover the latest about motherhood, parenting, and entertainment as well – all with a mom-focused twist. So if you're looking for parenting advice from real parents, we have plenty of it, all for moms from moms, and also experts. Because, at the end of the day, our mission is focused solely on empowering moms and moms-to-be with the knowledge and answers they’re looking for in one safe space.