A mom writes in asking what she should do if her ex-husband won’t let her move with the kids.
A Community Member asks:
“So my ex-husband and I share two kids together. A 9 and 12-year-old. He lives across the country. He hasn’t had any contact with them for nine years, and that’s been his choice. He knows our address and my phone number — still nothing. I’m remarried and have two additional children. Well, we are currently trying to relocate. Just to NY. Not too far away from where I am right now. But it is a different state. I’ve found his wife’s number, and I did message her to let them know we are moving.
My question is, what happens if he says no?? It’s been nine years, his choice, how is that fair?? Especially when our kids want to move. Will I just have to go to court? I’m so torn. I can’t even sleep because I’m not sure what he will say. He hates me and anything that has to do with me, so naturally, I feel like he will say no. Ugh, thanks for reading, sorry it’s so long.“
Community Advice for the Mom Worried That Her Ex-Husband Won’t Let Her Move With the Kids
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The responses of the community were to just go and just move. You can read some of these comments below,
“Just go to court and since he doesn’t see them, the court will let u move.”
“Just go! If he doesn’t have anything to do with them then why now?! I always moved with my first child and never had issues…“
“Well if he hasnt spoken to you or the children. Hasnt seen them or helped provide for them financially in that length of time. It could been seen as child abandonment. And they could terminate his rights and you could move anywhere but its a stretch. If you want just let him know and go to court with proof that he hasnt provided any support in any way. Just if you just up and leave and hes on the B.C he could call law enforcement on you just to be spiteful.”
“Honestly, you’re stressing over nothing. Don’t stress over a response that you literally have no control of. What you can control is the fact that you’re moving. Focus on that and the fact that you are the custodial parent so at this point… 9 years no contact with children clearly has no regard for.. girl it’s a courtesy you’re even asking his opinion.”
“Do you have joint custody? Has he been paying child support or traveling to see the? If not he has no say especially if he doesn’t even live in the same state.”
Moving out of state when you are dealing with custody is definitely a challenge, but if he hasn’t seen the kids in nine years, I would imagine the courts would allow you to move. I would say, just to be on the safe side, I would get the court to allow you to go. It could save any future drama that your ex-husband could cause.
You might look in to your state laws about moving out of state and your rights as the full custodial parent. This may help you have more peace of mind. You may have to do more than you would like but in the end you may find that you worried more than you needed too. I hope that the community advice encourages you and helps you remain calm and hopeful.
Do you have any advice for this mom? Leave a comment to help another mom out!
Over on the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, our robust community of moms is always having a conversation about topics that matter. We like to highlight those conversations from time to time. Important mom questions. Thoughtful mom answers.
Do you have a question you’d like answered? Submit it to the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, and we may feature it along with some of the best answers on this site! You can remain completely anonymous while still getting the information and support you need from other moms who know what it’s like.
Dawn Onye is a Certified Lactation Counselor. With this certification comes education and her own experience helping mothers and babies with breastfeeding. With her CLC, she is required to keep herself up to date on the research studies, conferences, and training related to breastfeeding. She chose this field not just because she is an advocate for the benefits of breastfeeding, but because she sincerely loves working with mothers and babies. Her mission is not to push breastfeeding on all mothers and babies, but to help all mothers reach the goals they have and to provide the expertise for them to do so. The most important thing in life is to do what is best for your family without judgment from others.
Dawn is also a wife and a mother. She has four children ranging from 12 to 19 years old. She can help many families with tips and tricks she has learned along the way. She loves to read and write. Her favorite seasons are spring and fall, although she does enjoy summers while spending time with her family. There has been no greater accomplishment in life for her than being a mother.
Mamas Uncut is THE online place for moms. We cover the latest about motherhood, parenting, and entertainment as well – all with a mom-focused twist. So if you're looking for parenting advice from real parents, we have plenty of it, all for moms from moms, and also experts. Because, at the end of the day, our mission is focused solely on empowering moms and moms-to-be with the knowledge and answers they’re looking for in one safe space.