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QUESTION: I Have Doubts About Getting Married Because My Fiancé Chooses His Nephew Over Me: Advice?
“So I’m getting married in a month and having a lot of doubts. So my fiancé has raised his nephew since he was about 2, and he also has a son with his nephew’s mother. He told me the reason why he was close to his nephew is because his brother died, and he has nothing left to remind him of his brother. I thought that his brother died when his nephew was a baby, however, not the case; his brother died about four years ago. So he didn’t want to be alone, so he hooked up with his brother’s ex, and they have a son together.
My issue is I don’t feel like I should be placed behind a child that isn’t his. For example, I asked for my fiancé to spend the day with me on the anniversary of my mother’s death. Instead, he spent the whole day with his nephew cause it was his birthday. I get that he is family, and I have told him numerous times that his nephew needs to stop calling him daddy. I am just super stressed to the point that I want to call the wedding off cause I will always be in second place. Am I in the wrong?”
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“Most likely you will always be second. Kids come first and regardless his own if he thinks of him as his own and has before you became involved he always will… if it bothers you this much then most likely it will interfere with your relationship maybe you were not meant to be with someone who has children before you.”
“You are very wrong. If you can’t accept that his nephew is just like a son to him then you shouldn’t marry him. It doesn’t even matter if he’s not his son by blood. You need to embrace that little boy or just leave.”
“Don’t marry him. You already have doubts and you’re asking him to choose you over a child he sees as his own. That’ll never go over well. And you can’t be mad that he wanted to celebrate his nephew on his birthday! Also.. he has a baby with his sister in law. Is that not weird to anyone else??”
“If this is a problem now, it will only get worse once you are married. If you two have a child, you will compare how he treats your child with the others. Leave now so you will both be happy.”
“You should call it off. Not because you’re wrong, but because he needs someone who is just as family oriented as he is. You should be ok with being 2nd place to a child. That’s how it works, he has stepped in a father figure role for his nephew, who doesn’t have a dad. Any person who dates someone with a child should automatically assume that the kid will be first. ALWAYS.”
“It’s not your place to tell him to stop having his nephew call him daddy. Or to dictate what they do together. They are family and seems to see his nephew as his son. You can’t make him choose. It doesn’t sound like this is the right relationship for you if you have a problem with this stuff.”
“Kids come first. Leave if it bothers you. Not trying to be rude, you’ll be happier in the long run. . Can’t change him.”
“Yes call off the wedding. You are not ready for what’s ahead. Not because he is doing something wrong. But if you can’t accept a relationship with a child he already has a strong bond with you probably will never be happy. Whether he is blood or not he obviously has parental feelings towards him. Any woman that expects him to change that isn’t worth incorporating into his life. Either be part of his family and support the family emotionally or move on.”
“Regardless of details, he has decided to be in this child’s life as a father. He’s completely assumed the role of a father so you have to treat this child as such to make the relationship work.. might be good to halt the wedding for now.”
“Sounds like a great man, the kind you would want to build a life and family with. I’ve raised 3 bonus kids and 3 of my own.”
“Wow. Any child or family member always comes first. Sounds like he stepped up and is keeping this little boy in his life. Nothing wrong with that. That’s admirable. Don’t try to come in the middle of that. It was his birthday that’s important. You are not the center of attention if you feel that way then I’d go to therapy and see why and see how you can change your thinking process. That man is admirable for loving his nephew and being consistent.”
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