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QUESTION: My Husband Watches Adult Movies Whenever I Leave the House: Advice?
“I’d like to ask… Is it wrong of me to be upset with my husband because he watches adult movies secretly every time I leave the house?
We don’t watch adult movies together, and he doesn’t tell me he watches them; I went through his phone while he was drunk last night and saw that he’s been watching it A LOT.
Our sex life has been almost non-existent for a long time, I was thinking he was cheating. IDK how to feel about the adult movies but I know I’m not happy, especially with the secretary of it. Please give me some advice.”
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“Just because some women are ok with p*rn, doesn’t mean other women have to be. If you are not ok with it, then those are your feelings. Maybe an open and honest conversation might help. Sometimes couples get stuck into a routine and lose sight of making time and putting effort towards the relationship.”
“Whew, the bar is on the floor. The fact that some of y’all are really blaming her and making her feel like its ok since he’s not cheating is seriously wrong. If you feel like it’s cheating, then it’s cheating. Don’t ever let someone invalidate YOUR feelings about something. YOU don’t have to watch something that you’re uncomfortable. Also, the comments saying at least he’s not out cheating seriously?!?! If that’s what your telling yourself please reevaluate who you’re with. Ready all these comments honestly breaks my heart. If your partner is watching adult movies and not being intimate with you there is a problem!!! Communication is a two way street. Best of luck!”
“It’s not wrong for you to be upset. There will always be two types of people – those who think it’s not ok vs. those who think it’s perfectly normal. Don’t let other people’s opinions on it make you feel guilty about the way it makes you feel. Communication is key, tell him how you feel. Try to get that spark back that y’all had before getting married.”
“First it is NEVER “wrong” to feel a certain way about something. Just because others might not feel the same way doesn’t mean it’s wrong. If it makes you uncomfortable that should be all that matters. It’s a video, that shouldn’t ever come before your needs. If it does, there is a problem. I have a few friends who are extremely uncomfortable with it, for a variety of reasons. Some religious, some just flat out don’t like it. ‘It makes me uncomfortable’ should be enough for a spouse.”
“If its’ interfering then there is a problem. Sit down and talk to him.”
“Since it sounds like it may be interfering with your sex life, it’s a problem. But you have to sit down and have a discussion about it. Maybe he is having some not-so-manly problems and is coping by using adult movies. I don’t think you have to watch it with him. And it can be healthy. But doesn’t sound like he’s doing it in a healthy way. But its not the end of the world. I wouldn’t be too upset just try to get to the bottom of it without completely freaking out.”
“I’d have a problem with the fact that your sex life is non existent and instead he is relying on adult movies. It’s definitely something to bring up to him. Maybe try changing things up, try new things? Either way, nothing will change without communication. You have every right to be upset about this.”
“The secrecy isn’t okay, and the fact that it *seems* to be interfering with your sex life as a couple is also not okay. You need to sit him down and talk to him about how you feel and let him know that it’s a problem that it feels like he’s hiding it from you. (He might not feel like he’s hiding it, he might just feel like it’s not something worth talking about – never assume.) And tell him that it’s interfering with your intimate relationship…
… And work it out between you two. Watching adult movies on their own isn’t an issue. (Yes, you’re allowed to feel however you want about it and if he *knows* you don’t like it then it’s a problem, but it’s not a problem if he isn’t aware of that, and you can’t assume if it’s never been discussed), but when it interferes with the relationship, then it becomes one.”
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