A mom writes in asking for advice about her husband, whom she calls “an alcoholic.” She says that though he is a good father: he works full-time and is doing his part in the household… during the week, at least. On the weekends, he buys beer “with the sole purpose of getting drunk.” She has tried to talk to him, but it causes a fight every time.
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A member of the community asks:
“My husband is an alcoholic: Advice?
My husband is an alcoholic, and he refuses to get help or stop drinking. We have three kids, and while he is good with kids as far as school pickups, dinner, and running errands when asked, his addiction is driving a wedge between us. He works full-time and at a labor-intensive job, but come the weekend, he is buying 12-15 beers for himself with the sole purpose of getting drunk. We don’t go out anywhere or have anyone over, so it’s not like he could use the excuse that we were at a party and he overindulged a bit.
Whenever I try to discuss it, he gets angry and will walk out of the room or shout over me to get me to stop nagging. I’ve threatened divorce, and it doesn’t phase him. I’ve begged him to get treatment, but he feels he can just “cut back.” We have no marriage left, as the years of resentment have just built up. For the record, he hasn’t ever hit me, the kids, or gone to work drunk. But I worry about the impact this is having on the kids.”
Community Advice for This Mom Whose Husband Is an Alcoholic
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“Intervention time between the 2 of you. Children DO NOT NEED TO SEE THIS EVERY WEEKEND.”
“12-15 beers a night? Cause it kinda sounds like the whole weekend, which isn’t a lot…? Or maybe I have a problem. I drank a big bottle of vodka in like 4 days (so a weekend basically)? And it seems like you’re saying he only drinks after work Friday since he’s doing pickups – would hope you’re not allowing him to pick the kids up if he’s an “alcoholic” who’s plastered drunk.”
“This behavior still impacts your children. Being around someone like that makes them think it’s normal and they miss the cues when getting into relationships. If you do stay, go to alcoholic meetings for teens and spouses. These meetings help loved ones get perspective. Even if leave him, you and your teens should go. It’s important for all of you.”
“So he’s a good dad that helps out with everything, works hard to provide for his family and he doesn’t deserve to relax on the weekend and drink a 12 pack? WTH is wrong with you?”
“My mother was an alcoholic my whole life. At 10 years old my dad packed my bags and we left. My dad put up with it for 13 years and realized she was not gonna change or help herself. Do what’s best for YOU and your KIDS. Hope things get better.”
“I don’t think he is an alcoholic if he only drinks at weekends.”
“Go to AlAnon, if you have support groups like that where you’re from. Families living with alcoholics, there’s no point in threatening anything, this will never work and only make it worse. I’m sorry your going threw this. Alanon groups helped me a lot.”
“If it’s only on the weekends… why not let him have it? You said he’s not abusive to the kids or you while drunk. If that’s what he needs after a long week, I don’t see an issue. But that’s just my opinion, take or leave.”
“Simple solution. Simply tell him it’s either his drinking or his family. Give him a date to quit and if he does not quit drinking by that date, you will divorce him. Remind him every hour of that deadline. He will get tired of you reminding him. If you did not have kids, of course, it would probably be a lot easier. You have no choice. Stop living with a LOSER. —-Good Luck.”
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