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QUESTION: How Do I Tell My Husband I Don’t Want His Mom to Move In With Our Family… Yet?
“How do I approach my husband about his mom not moving in just yet?
I told him when we BUY a house, not renting one. We’re looking for another rental, and my hubby and kids keep saying when grandma moves in, I’m like, hold up, that’s not happening yet. I know my hubby wants his mom with us too, but I’m not ready for that.
At one point, she did live with us while trying to find a place, but she kept prolonging it, and she was so messy. I was a SAHM at that time, and she just expected me to clean up after her. She left trash and cans everywhere, slept all day, and took over the living room and our bathroom.
At one point, she expected to cook for her. One night I didn’t cook, she waited all day till dinner to eat when my man came home, she told my husband ‘son, I’m hungry’ and he said ‘mom there’s plenty of pasta, noodles, stuff for sandwiches’ and she said ‘oh well I’m not that hungry’ and sat back til I made something for the kids.
I just have a feeling it’s gonna be like that again. I feel like she can be on her own a bit longer; she’s renting a room from a close friend, she’s in her 50s, still dating, and gets around just fine.”
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“No reason for her to move in if she’s in her 50s and capable of looking after herself. Tell her to get her own place. No way… You have your own life and kids and he shouldn’t be putting that burden on his family.”
“It’s most likely gonna be that way again. Tell him no… you’re not okay with it.”
“Hold up!? In her 50s? Why is she moving in with you!? Why would you be responsible to clean up after and feed her!? This woman is not old. What is happening?”
“It took me 21 years but I learned to tell my mom no. This sounds like you are describing my mother. I love her but I haven’t seen her in 3 and a half years but a handful of times. I’m almost 25, have a husband, a 3 year old and a baby on the way. I tried to mend things with her but she makes promises and breaks them. Always has. I don’t want my kids around that. She chooses her boyfriend over her kids and grandkids repeatedly…
… From my experience, it’s less stressful to say no and put your foot down. Also, anyone that wants to say anything bad or hateful about this, there is a lot more back story to this. You never know what someone puts up with or is going through. The last time my brother let my mom “come take a shower,” she stayed for 6 months and mooched off of him…
… No job, slept all day, and wouldn’t even help around the house or pick up after herself. Just set boundaries at the very least. It’s your home for you and your family first. I pray it goes better this time if you allow her to move in. It’s hard and I feel for you.”
“Why does she want to move in? She’s not sick, she obviously gets money, she can do her own thing, she’s dating. I don’t see a logical reason for her to move in. If and when you buy your home then make sure there is a suite for her where she can cook and clean for herself. She will then still have the freedom and privacy she has and she’ll be close to the family if she ever needs help.”
“I don’t understand what the difference is between her moving in when you’re renting or when you’re buying. Then again, if you don’t want her to now, why do you think you’ll want her to then? Think you need to be straight with your husband, and yourself. Big hugs, it’s not a pleasant situation.”
“No, no, no. Stand your ground hon. You have your hands full with your own family. Straight out tell her & your husband that there is no way this is going to happen until it’s absolutely necessary. She is inconsiderate & you don’t need that BS.”
“Plain and simple— the agreement was when y’all buy a house, y’all didn’t buy the house yet so she’s not moving in. Also make it clear to her and your husband that when she moves in she’s getting a room she has to cook and clean for herself.”
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