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QUESTION: My Mother-in-Law Doesn’t Give My Family Privacy and I Need Advice
“Hi guys. I need to vent. My partner’s mother (my mother-in-law) never gives us any space. She remembered we had a baby appointment today and called us at 8 am today (7 am her time) to demand we call us as soon as the appointment is over to tell her how it was.
I just feel like she never cares about our privacy. It’s not even her first grandchild. She is mad at us for doing a private gender reveal and recording it for everyone instead of waiting a few weeks to do it in person at her house so we can “celebrate together” and see my partner’s reaction “together”.
But instead, we are telling people in person as we see them for the holidays. She’s also mad that I haven’t posted it on Facebook, so it isn’t “public knowledge” because she wants to talk about it and post about it and blah blah.
I just want my private moments back. Having private moments together with my partner like this is really important to us before our first baby gets here.”
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“When someone calls you to ask you to call after an appointment to let them know how it went, that’s typically a nice thing for them to do. Say, it went well. Thank you for asking. I think you have other problems with your MIL because none of this is particularly intrusive.”
“Honestly it sounds like you’re the one with the issue. Your mother-in-law wants to be involved in her grandchild’s life. Nothing wrong with that. Sounds like you have some growing up to do!”
“Most people could only wish for this type of caring & openness relationship with their MIL.”
“Set boundaries now or she’s gonna be pushing her way past security when you’re in labor!”
“Is there a reason your mother-in-law can’t be included? It sounds like she is very excited and just wants to be a part of it. There’s something to be said about a man who is good to his mama. He will be good to you too. Why does it have to be private? I don’t mean to sound like I’m putting down how you feel… just trying to understand.”
“I am widowed so I am very much alone. I have 2 sons and they both have beautiful families. I enjoy the time spent with them very much. The oldest son lives 4 hours from me. My youngest is about 45 minutes. I constantly feel pushed away by my DIL. I think she is an excellent mom and I try to follow her rules. I love them all very much but feel left out so often. I’ve tried to explain how I feel to her but things have yet to change. I understand about privacy but just an invite to go to the movies would be wonderful. If this is your mother-in-law’s situation please find a little patience and understanding with her.”
“Honestly you need to set boundaries. Be honest with her and tell her how you feel, respectfully. And tell her she has no voice in the matter, also respectfully. If you don’t stop it now, it will continue.”
“I would definitely pick my battles. She sounds really supportive and excited and probably has no idea that you feel that way. Also if you love your partner then you should be careful as to not put him in a position where he feels like he has to choose sides. That’s not fair to him.”
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