A single mom writes in looking for advice. She is pregnant with her ex-boyfriend’s baby and he is denying that it is his. Now he has a new pregnant girlfriend. She doesn’t really want him in their lives, but child support would be helpful.
A Community Member asks:
“Hey, ladies, sorry its a bit long, but I’m really at a loss right now. I’m 21 weeks with my third son! His brothers and I are thrilled! I am a single mother, but I bust my ass, so my boys want for nothing, while also attending school part-time. When I found out I was pregnant, it was a complete shock because I was on birth control. When I told his father, he responded with, “I don’t think I can even have kids,” yeah, okay, I’m pregnant!! Anyways he ended up blocking me on everything!
He got ahold of me around ten weeks wanting a booty call, and of course, I went off a little bit… just a little. My oldest son’s father pays child support (actually only for two months last year, and he’s 7!). My middle son’s father is dead. And I’m not going to lie; child support would be very helpful for this man! But IDK if I want him in my son’s life. A week after he hit me up, his new GF and he announced (with an ultrasound) they were pregnant, so I’m pretty sure he knew when he got a hold of me. She’s due a month after me.
He’s “so excited and can’t wait for July” it really hurts. He denies our son. They started dating three days after I found out I was pregnant (i told him the day I found out) we weren’t anything and we both knew it. We hooked up twice, but now we have a baby. I just don’t know if I should even get him involved once the baby is born. My mom told me to test him and let him make his decision. But I feel like he already has made his choice.“
Community Advice For The Pregnant Single Mom Whose Ex-Boyfriend Is Denying The Baby
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this pregnant single mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The advice for this pregnant single mom was pretty much all the same. Do you want to read some of these responses? You can check a few of them below.
“Have him tested. He will have to pay child support even if he doesn’t want to be a part of his life. He can still financially support the child. You knew what it was as you said. Have you been with other men besides him recently? I believe there is more to the story.”
“Wait for the kid to be born, get a test done and have everything be set up through the courts (child support/visitation schedules). If it’s really his kid, he won’t be able to deny it at that point, and if it’s not his child you all can be done for good. But it’s not your choice to deny him the right to be in his child’s life.“
“I agree with a lot of people here, child support doesn’t mean he has to be involved! File, they’ll make him pay for the DNA test if it comes to him being the father and then you will be receiving financial help. It’s totally not fair for that child or you.
“My husband went through this with his biological dad. Even if you showed proof that the child is his he can go months without paying before they will force him. Even then he can sign over his rights and not have to pay at all… in my husband case.. it would’ve been easier to just even know the guy.. would’ve been better emotionally in the long run.”
“Unpopular opinion: leave him out of everything and move on. He’s already made his position clear and he wasn’t for the pregnancy so he shouldn’t be forced into supporting or a relationship with your child.“
“So no one is going to say anything about him obviously cheating on his pregnant “girlfriend”? I’d be so quick to show her he’s running around. Secondly, I would consider the whole relationship itself. Would you two be able to co-parent? If not I would leave him be. But if so, do the test, make him look like an idiot and get child support. But I also don’t know if getting child support automatically means he gets visitation or not.“
I agree with much of the advice. As a single mom, you should have him get tested. You may have to get it court-ordered, but you and your son deserve to have him pay child support. Of course, we don’t know all of the story. If he is a danger to you or your baby, then you may choose not to have him in your life but only you can know that.
Definitely think about everything that was said and make your decision based on what you know and what you think is best for you and your son.
Do you have any advice for this mom? Leave a comment to help another mom out!
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Dawn Onye is a Certified Lactation Counselor. With this certification comes education and her own experience helping mothers and babies with breastfeeding. With her CLC, she is required to keep herself up to date on the research studies, conferences, and training related to breastfeeding. She chose this field not just because she is an advocate for the benefits of breastfeeding, but because she sincerely loves working with mothers and babies. Her mission is not to push breastfeeding on all mothers and babies, but to help all mothers reach the goals they have and to provide the expertise for them to do so. The most important thing in life is to do what is best for your family without judgment from others.
Dawn is also a wife and a mother. She has four children ranging from 12 to 19 years old. She can help many families with tips and tricks she has learned along the way. She loves to read and write. Her favorite seasons are spring and fall, although she does enjoy summers while spending time with her family. There has been no greater accomplishment in life for her than being a mother.
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