A sister writes in asking for advice on what she should do after she found her kid sister on Facebook years after she was taken from their mom by child protective services. The sister said that she lost contact with her sibling after her mom lost all parental rights. Now she’s wondering if she should contact her sister directly or if she should go through her adoptive parents? Do you have any advice?
A member of the community asks:
“So I just found my little sister on Facebook today after not having any contact with her in over six years ( she’s 11 now). She was taken from my mom by child protection services, then into foster care. And after my mom’s rights were taken away, I haven’t heard anything else. Today, I put her name into the search bar and found her!!!! I’m so overwhelmed with emotions, I literally bawled for an hour.
I saw her so happy and loved! I want to contact her, but I don’t want her to hurt anymore if she remembers everything in the past. I could also message her adoptive parents, but I don’t want them to freak out or something and block me and my chances of ever seeing my sister again. What should I do? Any and all advice would be appreciated.”
Community Advice for This Sister Wanting to Get in Contact With Her Long Lost Sister
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Reach out to her adoptive parents first and make your intention clear. One commenter explained, “Reach out to her parents first, explain that you only want what’s best for her but you also miss her and had nothing to do with the reason she was removed. If they want you to wait a few years, respect that and reach out again when she’s a bit older.”
Another person said, “I went through this SAME thing, but finding my sister was harder. I’m bawling reading this as it brought up so many emotions for me. Talk to the adoptive parent, she’s still underage and it’s a respect type of thing. Since you don’t know what she remembers or if she has trauma from the past, it’s the only correct thing to do. If they don’t let you talk to her, just understand it’s out of safety for her. My search ended with me not being able to talk to my sister and she’s also disabled from my mother’s drug use. Good luck and feel totally free to contact me, you’re not alone!”
And someone else added, “Contact the parents first. I get your excited but as a younger sibling, who’s older sibling found me at 16, it was rough. I know it’s hard but wait till she’s a bit older so she can be more mentally aware of all that comes with the memory of you.”
Do you have any advice for this mom? Leave a comment to help another mom out!
Over on the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, our robust community of moms is always having a conversation about topics that matter. We like to highlight those conversations from time to time. Important mom questions. Thoughtful mom answers.
Do you have a question you’d like answered? Submit it to the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, and we may feature it along with some of the best answers on this site! You can remain completely anonymous while still getting the information and support you need from other moms who know what it’s like.
Mamas Uncut is THE online place for moms. We cover the latest about motherhood, parenting, and entertainment as well – all with a mom-focused twist. So if you're looking for parenting advice from real parents, we have plenty of it, all for moms from moms, and also experts. Because, at the end of the day, our mission is focused solely on empowering moms and moms-to-be with the knowledge and answers they’re looking for in one safe space.