A community wife writes in worried that she married too soon. She is looking for advice on what she should do.
A Community Member asks:
“I have a question, and I need advice. My husband and I have been married almost a year. It’s been ups and downs, but we always manage to work things out. I love my husband so much, but I think we got married too soon. We only knew each other for three months before we married, I left my life in Maryland to relocate to Tennessee where he lived, he does everything for me, but there are a few things about him that I don’t like, the way he talks to his mom is atrocious. He sometimes talks to me in such a demeaning way that it makes me sick to my stomach.
When you don’t do things the way he wants he can be the meanest, nastiest person you ever want to meet on top of that he has gotten physical with me twice, he doesn’t feel like women should think for themselves and that men should do the thinking. A lot of times I am disgusted with his views on women. Lately, things have been going pretty good between us, but I am still on edge because he can go off at any minute.
He tells me things like I need to forget about my kids because they are adults and to focus on him and me, which will never happen because I will never forget about my children. He has no relationship with my kids at all and he doesn’t get along with a single person in my family on top of that he has mood swings one day he is good and then the next he is angry or upset. I don’t want to end my marriage, but I am getting to my breaking point. Help.”
Community Advice For The Wife That Worries That She Might Have Married Her Husband Too Soon
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this wife in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The commenters saw the seriousness of this situation very quickly and responded in kind. You can read some of those below.
“Get out NOW. Ex-cop who’s handled more domestics than I can count. They NEVER end well!“
“It not too late to get annulment he is a controller and abused he’s all about himself been there 64 yrs old and suffering from extreme abuse yrs ago had major surgery I went to shelters back then could only stay 2 weeks had to go back nowhere to go had won I’m begging you to leave what’s in store is no joke look up abusive relationship I still cry I have been in and out of therapy I don’t like to tell my story but for another woman they need to here the truth please run.“
“Your right you married way to soon he’s going to get worse hitting you I would it end it now he doesn’t like your kids he doesn’t seem respectful at all it’s all about him just leave him already.”
“O.K. I’m gonna be blunt here……Yes, you are right you did get married too soon. You never got to find out how he really was. Anybody can be nice, sweet and kind for 3 months…It takes longer to find out the truth. Now if you like walking on eggshells and are willing to “Forget about” your children and are willing to have him do your thinking then by all means stay!! However, I know I could never live that way…“
“Walk away while you still have the ability to do so. I doubt he will ever change without a lot (A WHOLE LOT) of counseling and it sounds like he doesn’t think he has a problem!!“
“Get out. He’s a dictator. I don’t know why anyone would need someone to run their life for them and tell them what to do. You need to get out for your own safety and have witnesses with you.“
These are always the hardest to read because you hate to see anyone in a dangerous marriage. Being married to your husband too soon doesn’t seem to be the problem but rather excepting his treatment of you. His view of women is not good at all. They say that you can always see how your husband will treat his wife by how he treats his mother, sisters, and really his entire family. So if you don’t like how he talks to his mother and you are seeing him talk to you in a demeaning way, then probably that will only get worse.
The fact that he has already gotten physical makes it clear that you need to find a way to protect yourself. Deciding to leave is something only you can do but it seems you may be looking for permission to leave which shows that you probably already know what you should do. There are many red flags that you have mentioned already and this is scary.
I feel that the best help or advice I could give to you is to really take the time to understand what domestic abuse is and understand your choices. Many women minimize their situation and don’t take it seriously enough because they feel like it can’t happen to them. Don’t make this mistake. Take your situation very seriously and act quickly.
You can find more information in this article: What Is Domestic Violence?
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Dawn Onye is a Certified Lactation Counselor. With this certification comes education and her own experience helping mothers and babies with breastfeeding. With her CLC, she is required to keep herself up to date on the research studies, conferences, and training related to breastfeeding. She chose this field not just because she is an advocate for the benefits of breastfeeding, but because she sincerely loves working with mothers and babies. Her mission is not to push breastfeeding on all mothers and babies, but to help all mothers reach the goals they have and to provide the expertise for them to do so. The most important thing in life is to do what is best for your family without judgment from others.
Dawn is also a wife and a mother. She has four children ranging from 12 to 19 years old. She can help many families with tips and tricks she has learned along the way. She loves to read and write. Her favorite seasons are spring and fall, although she does enjoy summers while spending time with her family. There has been no greater accomplishment in life for her than being a mother.
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