One mom (with good intentions) was afraid her daughter would wet the bed at a sleepover and has been met with backlash from her daughter after she shared her problem with her friend’s mom.
The mom decided to write on Reddit’s infamous Am I The Asshole to seek advice after her daughter refuses to speak to her following the incident.
“My daughter (11 F) has had a bedwetting problem her whole life. Over the last year it’s gotten much much better down from an every night occurrence to once or twice a week. Although it’s gotten better she still wears protection so she doesn’t pee the sheets.”
“This weekend my daughter was invited to her best friends sleepover birthday party. This obviously presented a challenge given her issue. I offered to pick her up very late when everyone else had gone to sleep but she insisted on sleeping over.”
And, as any mom would, she asked her daughter if she had a plan if her mind changed.
“I asked her how she planned on putting on protection without embarrassing herself and she said that she didn’t need it that she was confident she could hold it and that she’d be careful. I told her there’s no way she could be 100% certain that she wouldn’t have an accident and that if she wanted to go she needed to wear protection. After much more arguing she finally agreed.”
“Here’s where I may be the asshole. Before I dropped her off, I texted her friend’s mom to gently explain the situation and encouraged her to very discreetly check in on my daughter to ensure she’s comfortable because I feared that my daughter simply would leave her pull-up in her bag and not wear it. “
And while the mom believed a crisis was avoided she was soon met with one furious kid.
“When I picked up my daughter this morning she screamed at me asking how I could embarrass her like that and how horrible of a person I was to tell her secret. When we got home she ran upstairs slammed the door to her room and hasn’t come out. Although it may have been embarrassing for the short term I believe I saved my daughter from the embarrassment of being labeled as “the girl who peed the bed” for years to come.”
So is this mamma in the wrong for saying something?
One user commented: “Did you specifically tell her not to share this info? If the other mom reached out to your daughter during a sleepover it’s possible the other girls noticed. Your daughter feels a huge breach of trust because of this. You not only shared a private and embarrassing health issue, you also didn’t trust her to protect herself. You said she agreed to wear the pull-up at the end. You should have trusted her. If she opted not to, it would have been a huge learning experience for but you didn’t give her a chance.”
While another insisted: “My daughter has battled incontinence problems. I can’t let her sleep over anywhere because even though she’s nearly eleven, I can’t get through to her how certain embarrassing moments, once they come out into a public forum, will continue to embarrass her for many years to come. She just can’t grasp it. (she has daytime incontinence issues that relate to holding for too long and losing sensory feeling for “urge.”) OP, please check out something called TheraPee- it’s a urination/moisture sensor and training system, it walks through the reasons why this is a biologic issue that can’t just be managed by avoiding liquids for hours before bedtime or setting an alarm to wake up to go pee. My middle daughter needed it (still uses) and it’s expensive, but worth it. She was very ashamed- even though we never shamed her- and was terrified of any mention of pull-ups in front of anyone not in our immediate family. The bedwetting is not your daughter’s fault! NTA for calling the friend’s mom- I imagine my daughter would try to get away with not wearing it to avoid any chance someone might find out.”
What do YOU think? Be sure to comment below!
With a background in the creative and educational fields, Amelia Finefrock is freelance writer, singer-songwriter and nanny based in Chicago.
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