A pregnant mom writes in for advice. She and her husband are expecting a baby and they are financially tight. Her mother-in-law has set up a complete nursery even though she knows that they need help buying items for their nursery.
A Community Member asks:
“Okay, ladies, I am 7 months pregnant with my first baby! My husband and I are still in our early 20s. We have always wanted kids, but this little one was unexpected and early then what we planned! No big deal, we are still over the moon about her. With that being said, due to certain things going on in our pregnancy, I had to leave my job. So my husband has been left all the bills. We have been struggling to get things around for our baby.
My parents are no longer in the picture, so all we really have is his mother. This will be her first grandbaby. She has a whole nursery set-up at her house and has spent too much money on clothes. She has her own car-seat already. While my husband and I have been struggling to get things for ourselves.
We have made it clear that we need help. She has no interest in help. I believe she thinks she will have this baby whenever she wants. It’s scaring me. Because this is my first, she hasn’t bought one thing for my husband and me. Am I selfish and overthinking, or am I right for freaking out thinking this is kinda suspicious and wrong!??“
Community Advice for the Pregnant Mom Whose Mother-in-Law Buys Baby Things for Her Own Home but Not for the Expectant Parents, Who Are Struggling
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this pregnant mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below
Read some of the community’s responses below.
“I don’t know, my mom got her house set up too and was so excited. When it came to the baby shower though she was a huge help. This is a new dynamic to your relationship for all of you and it’ll take some adjusting. I wonder why your hubby doesn’t feel comfortable talking to his mom about it. It’s probably time for him to talk to her about expectations and boundaries.“
“She is gonna cross all the boundaries if not stopped. Talk to your husband and put an end to it now before it starts getting out of hand. I feel like she is the woman who can call CPS on you for no reason.“
“My ex-mother in law wanted to be in control all the time over the baby like that. Towards the end, before I cut her out of our lives she physically took my son away from me and drove away when I told her she couldn’t take him. I had to call the cops. Make it known how you feel before it gets out of hand.”
“Be ready for her to cross boundaries. Stand your ground, be firm with your decisions, don’t let her guilt trip you into anything. Babies don’t need fancy furniture or crazy expensive baby swings. You will be fine and so will your little family.“
“Get bassinets and diapers and outfit with each paycheck. 1-2 boxes of Sz1, 1-2 of Sz 2 1-3 of Sz 3…. and different sizes with clothes. You will be ready…. ps, I’m a mom of 4 (oldest is 14 in June) and I never used a crib or changing table….. bed or floor work fine as changing table and pack and plays are just as good as a crib. Also, some places offer free car seats, stroller, pack and plays for exchanges in parenting classes at pregnancy centers…. or insurance for car seats. PM me and I can help you if you want it.“
“Remember that newborns need very little! Cloth nappies (terries are cheapest) and breastfeeding where possible save a tonne of money. No baby ever fell off of the floor! A pram and a cot and a week’s worth of vests, sleepsuits, and cardigans. Buy second hand where you can and give it a good scrub! X“
I loved some of the responses from our community moms. Some even reached out to help themselves. I think many of us can really help each other. We can do this either by sharing resources or sharing extras we have in our home.
There were some warnings regarding setting limits and taking the time to have a conversation. This can be just with your husband or with both of you. Stating your needs and expectations. This is very important to do now while you are pregnant so that when the baby arrives you are not put in an awkward position.
I am sure I can speak with all the community members, we wish you well, and congrats on your pregnancy.
Do you have any advice for this mom? Leave a comment to help another mom out!
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Dawn Onye is a Certified Lactation Counselor. With this certification comes education and her own experience helping mothers and babies with breastfeeding. With her CLC, she is required to keep herself up to date on the research studies, conferences, and training related to breastfeeding. She chose this field not just because she is an advocate for the benefits of breastfeeding, but because she sincerely loves working with mothers and babies. Her mission is not to push breastfeeding on all mothers and babies, but to help all mothers reach the goals they have and to provide the expertise for them to do so. The most important thing in life is to do what is best for your family without judgment from others.
Dawn is also a wife and a mother. She has four children ranging from 12 to 19 years old. She can help many families with tips and tricks she has learned along the way. She loves to read and write. Her favorite seasons are spring and fall, although she does enjoy summers while spending time with her family. There has been no greater accomplishment in life for her than being a mother.
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