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QUESTION: Should My Daughter’s Fiancé Take Our Family’s Unique Last Name?
“My daughter and her boyfriend decided to get a marriage license and are planning on going to the magistrate and get married soon.
He really has no ties to his family. He was only close to his mother, who passed away. He has his father’s last name. He wants to take our last name instead of her taking his because he really has no relationship with his father. He said if he had his mother’s last name, he would not want to do it this way. She asked my feelings on it and I suggested he could always change his last name to his mother’s before getting married.
I’m not sure how I feel about him taking our last name. We all really like him, but our last name is very uncommon and I just worry if they were to get divorced and he ends up having children with someone else, and they get our last name. Our family is the last one in the USA with this last name. I will be supportive of whatever they choose but would just like other opinions on it.”
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“I guess I don’t understand your hang up with this. What an honor! That and he must think highly of your family.”
“Soooooo he loves your daughter SO much that he wants to give up the name he’s had his whole life to take your daughter’s name to build a new life with a strong family name… And you’re worried about divorce? Obviously, they aren’t worried about divorce, so you shouldn’t either. Also. He lost his mother, so I’m sure he has had the thought that marrying your daughter would mean that he’s also gaining a mother… And be a better mother and love that boy.”
“If you had a son, his wife would take y’all’s name, so why is it so big a deal reversed? Take it as a compliment that he would rather be part of your family than his own and move on.”
“It should be a honor that he wants to take her last name, more importantly her family name. That itself is something you know is real if the man is willing to change HIS last name. Think about when they have children, those kids will carry on the family name. I think you should probably worry about more important things like helping her pick out her dress or something.”
“I mean he could just not marry your daughter out of spite and change his last name to yours anyway just to piss you off. I feel bad for this guy marrying into a family like that. Clearly all his wants is a real family and to feel like he belongs.”
“I mean… if you had a son, would you have the same concerns about him getting married, his wife taking your last name and then divorcing and having children with someone else and using the name? Probably not. I would just be supportive and look at it as a good thing that he wants to take y’all’s name.”
“I mean it’s not really your decision. Also I highly doubt you’re the only ones in the entire country with your last name.”
“What?? You’re daughter isn’t even married yet and you’re already thinking about him having kids with someone else? Don’t be selfish be glad that your grandkids will have your last name if they end up having children.”
I’m not at all understanding your issue here. Why are you thinking they would get divorced or have children with someone else? Why not just be supportive as it’s not your decision. The kid has no family, and he would rather take your family’s last name than give your daughter a last name that means nothing to him. I really don’t at all understand some parents.”
“First of all: wow way to be supportive. Already planning for when they are divorced instead of celebrating their marriage! In reality they can change their last name to anything.”
“It’s not really your decision, but give your blessing for him to change his name to yours. He’s clear why he wants to take the name – his own family is not in his life anymore and he is joining yours. He sees you as his only remaining family. They are getting married to each other, it’s not your place to think about him getting divorced and giving your name away. If they do get divorced someday you can address it with him then. If your daughter has children with him will they not be part of your family? If he later has other children will they not be siblings? He’s becoming a part of your family’s line.”
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