A mom writes in asking for advice about last names after divorce. This mom is currently in the process of divorcing her second husband. Though the two don’t share any children together, each has children from their previous marriages. She says despite that, she does not want to change her last name when the divorce is finalized because of the hassle. Her soon-to-be-ex-husband, however, has asked her to change her last name when all is said and done. Does she need to change it? Should she?
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A member of the community asks:
“Do I have to change my last name once we divorce?”
“I am currently separated and in the process of divorce from my second husband. We do not have any kids together, but we both have some from our first marriages. We were together for over 12 years & married for over 10.
He wants me to change my last name once the divorce is final. I would rather not as I don’t want the hassle of changing it on all official documents (bank/work/insurance/house/etc.). My question is, do I have to since my reason for not wanting to is primarily selfish?“
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Community Advice for This Mom Who Wants to Know if She Has to Change Her Last Name After Getting Divorced
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Advice Summary
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“No, you don’t have to do that at all. Tell him to change his if he has an issue with it.”
“I really don’t understand why you would want to keep someone’s name if you’re divorcing that person. It’s not your name anymore; let it go and stop being so lazy and change your name.”
“My husband was married prior to me and that’s all he asked for in the divorce. His last name back. The courts granted it. It was in the court order that she had 90 days to change it.”
“Why would you want your ex’s last name if you’re divorced especially if you don’t have kids together? If I were in this situation I wouldn’t mind the hassle at all.”
“No, you don’t. And what a dick for thinking he can make you. Tell him to change his if he has a problem with it haha.”
“My parents have been divorced for 25 years and she still hasn’t changed her last name.”
“t was the first thing I wanted in my divorce. We each had kids from our previous marriage and I didn’t want my name associated with him ever. I didn’t change it until six months after the final divorce papers were filed. And I’m proud of my maiden name. My thought is if you don’t have children together then I’d go bake to your maiden name. And your children will understand!”
“You don’t have to change it. However, I’ll offer a little unsolicited personal perspective. I didn’t change mine due to the same reason; I didn’t want the extra hassle, divorce is complicated enough. I thought it wouldn’t matter. But a year or so later I’d grown to utterly hate my last name. I cringed when I had to use it. It deeply bothered me that I carried my ex’s name as though he still ‘owned’ me or something. It’s entirely a personal choice, though.”
“No, you don’t have to. My current boyfriend divorced his wife over a year ago, and she kept his last name until she recently got remarried. And my friend is currently going through a divorce and I don’t think she’s going to take back her maiden name.”
“You do not have to. There is no law or anything saying it is a requirement. Selfish or not, it’s your choice and you don’t owe your ex anything.”
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