In February, Moore gave birth to son August Harrison Goldsmith, or as she fondly calls him, Gus. While speaking to Dr. Ashurina Ream on Instagram Live, Moore revealed how motherhood was not exactly what she expected.
“I had these preconceived notions of myself going into motherhood,” she confessed. “Obviously, I knew it was going to be challenging, but I thought, ‘Oh, maybe I have this natural maternal side.’ Whatever the heck that means.”
After giving birth, Moore shared how she was “hit with this wave of just not feeling good enough … I just felt this rush of like, ‘I’m not good enough for him. I don’t know how to be his mom. I know how to feed him, but beyond that, am I suited for this?'”
She admitted that experiencing motherhood amid the pandemic has been surprisingly “isolating” at times.
“It’s strange because you’re with someone every day and every second, and you know, I’m very lucky, I have a very supportive partner — my husband’s been fantastic — but it still is so strangely isolating,” she said, mentioning her husband Taylor Goldsmith.
“I guess, when I imagined motherhood, I sort of imagined like, oh, you find community and there are classes, and you go to ‘Mommy and Me’ classes and baby classes,” she continued.
She continued on, saying: “I don’t know if it’s something that I would feel necessarily the most comfortable with, at this point in time, just considering what we’re kind of living through,” she said. “So it’s like having to reframe these expectations that you had about what it’s like to be a mom and what it’s like to connect with people.”
Moore went on “I just felt like whatever I did it just wasn’t right, and I couldn’t get him to sleep and it made me feel horrible.”
She went on, “It was really scary and it makes me emotional to think about now. I still feel like I’m in it, but I’m finding my footing. I’m still learning. I know nothing, but I’m still here putting myself through the paces of just stopping and breathing through it.”
She goes on to say how she now understands “women can feel lost in the shuffle” and stressed. “Don’t be afraid to reach out to your friends and family and see if they’re available to be part of your village,” she encouraged others.
With a background in the creative and educational fields, Amelia Finefrock is freelance writer, singer-songwriter and nanny based in Chicago.
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