A mom writes in asking for advice about what her fiancé‘s children should call her. She says she and her fiancé share 6 kids (he has four from a previous relationship, and she has two). She says her kids call him DD, but she doesn’t know what his kids should call her. She doesn’t want it to be her first name, as that might be confusing to one of the younger children. And she respects the mother of her fiancé’s kids and therefore doesn’t want a name or nickname similar to “mom.” So, what should her fiancé’s kids call her?
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A member of the community asks:
“What should my fiancé’s kids call me?
My fiancé and I have six children between us (4 from me and two from him. None together). My kids call him DD instead of dad.
My question is, what could his kids call me? I don’t want them to call me by my first name because I have a soon to be two years, and I don’t want to confuse him and have him end up calling me by my first name because they do. I respect their mother and do not wish to have them call me anything close to mom. Just something other than my first name. Any suggestions?”
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Community Advice for This Mom Who Wants to Know What Her Fiancé’s Children Should Call Her
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Advice Summary
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“My bonus kids call me mom. When they first came into my life it was shortly after their mommy had passed away. After a while, they asked if they could call me mommy. I told them they could call me mom, mama, mother anything but Mommy. I explained to them they have a wonderful mommy who is still with them and watching over them and that I would never want to take her place…
… She passed away 10 years ago. I am no longer with their dad but they stayed with me ( long story) I had 1 child with him and the courts found it best for them to stay with me. I love them just like the ones I gave birth to and treat them all the same.”
“Your first name.”
“I seriously doubt them calling you by your first name will confuse your little one. He already knows you’re his mom. Other adults will call you by your first name and that won’t confuse him so why would it confuse him if other children do?”
“I would think that it should be their decision what they want to call you. My stepson calls me by my name and I also have a 2-year-old. If he calls me something other than mommy we will address it and give it time but your step kids shouldn’t have to call you anything they don’t want to because you don’t want them to.”
“I let my bonus daughters decide. They called me by name until they decided they wanted to call me mom.”
“Your name is fine. My son is 3. I have two stepchildren. They call me Anna and my son calls me momma. Reiteration and explaining help. The kids will say, go tell momma. But refer to me as Anna when they talk to me or others. It’s not difficult!”
“By your first name. Your kid will figure it out. Welcome to blended families.”
“From a psychological standpoint I don’t recommend asking** the kids to call you anything; let them develop what they call you on their own. Your son will call you what you teach him to call you as well as what his siblings do. You cannot force things on other children without causing resentment, anxiety and confusion.”
“My fiancé’s daughter calls me Ashley. I’ve known her for over 7 years. I’m totally fine with it. It’s her choice. Oh. We also have 3 children together and they have NEVER been confused about what to call me. Ever.”
“You don’t mention how old his kids are. I’m curious if they would be old enough to understand if you and their father ask them to call you mom when speaking to the toddlers. Example… older kids will ask the toddler to go find mommy vs go find Vicky. They wouldn’t be claiming you as their own mother but reinforcing your title with your little one.”
“I’m so confused. But first of all, I LOVE THAT YOU RESPECT THEIR MOM! You just don’t hear people say that very often. My question is if you’re worried about your baby calling you something besides mom, how would it make a difference in what they call you? He’s going to pick up on it. My bonus kiddos have always called me Brandi or when introducing me to their friends, it’s ‘this is my stepmom.’ Don’t force anything on the kids, just take it day by day. Your baby will still call you mom either way. Good look and congrats!”
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