A mom writes in asking for advice about having a blended family. This mom, who is “in the middle of a very nasty divorce,” says she would rather be a single parent than “suffer” from a blended family. While she understands that her daughter will likely experience a blended family when her father eventually remarries, this mom doesn’t want to add any fuel to that particular fire. She thinks a blended family is “second best.” But is she perhaps blinded by the emotions of her divorce?
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A member of the community asks:
“I do not like the idea of having a blended family: Thoughts?
I would rather be a single parent than suffer from a blended family. I’m in the middle of a very nasty divorce. People say to me, ‘you will meet someone else and have more children don’t worry,’ but a blended family makes me uncomfortable.
I understand that my daughter will one day have a stepmother, so why would I make her have to put up with a stepfather and step-siblings? I’ve always wanted more children, but I couldn’t do that to my child. I’ve always wanted a family, but a blended family is just second best, and if I can’t have it the proper way, then I don’t want it anyway. Am I the only one who feels like this, or will my feelings change once everything settles?”
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Community Advice for This Mom Who Hates the Idea of Having a Blended Family
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Advice Summary
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“I’m gonna say this so I don’t hurt some feelings. My family (and MANY others) are not second best to YOURS just because it’s blended.”
“I grew up in a blended family and I’m sorry but we suffered more with my mom as a single parent than we ever did having step-siblings and a step-parent. I can’t even believe what I just read. I get wanting to be single for a while to get over everything but to bash a blended family all together and say you won’t force that on your daughter is just stupid. Sometimes a blended family is the BEST thing to happen to a child!”
“Maybe it’s for the best. I wouldn’t want to join a family with someone who thinks like this, and would treat my child poorly just because my child isn’t biologically theirs.”
“I am part of a blended family and it is nothing but love. My mom and stepdads ex-wife worked hard to get along to the point that we took family vacations. It is all in what you make it. Right now, you still have hurt and Anger. My mom had my sister when I was 13 and she is one of my best friends. As far as my step sister and brother, we don’t use the word step. We are a family.”
“I would personally hate having someone with your mindset as a stepmother to my children. Maybe you should stay single, for the benefit of someone else’s kids.”
“To insinuate that a blended family isn’t the ‘right way’ is ‘second-best’ is super offensive to blended families on here. Your pride will be your biggest downfall if it hasn’t been already.”
“‘The proper way’? What is that? I remember before my parents were divorced. My dad was horrible. Abusive. Got addicted to drugs. Lost everything. Cared more about getting high than his own kids. It was a miserable childhood. Then, my mom met my pops. My stepdad (although, I refer to him as my dad). Nothing but love and protection and respect and all of the things a father is SUPPOSED to provide. The proper way is whatever is best for you and your child. If that’s being single, cool. If that’s finding and marrying the love of your life, awesome. You sound very degrading. I don’t like it.”
“You are entitled to your feelings — one thing I would say is due to the fact that your OPINIONS are so overt please make sure you do NOT SHARE these opinions with your child. When they have their stepmom and possibly step-siblings or half-siblings, they need to know that this is a 2nd best family. They need to understand and learn that family is family and to love everyone equally.”
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