Becoming a parent, whether it be through natural conception or adoption, is a very exciting thing! However, it can also be frightening knowing that you are now responsible for raising another human being.
And along with successfully raising a child is the responsibility of making the right choices when it comes to big decisions. For one family, who was fostering their child before adopting her, they struggled with the idea of changing the spelling of her name.
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Mom Wants to Change Spelling of Her Adopted Daughter’s Name, But Others Think It’s Wrong
The mom of the 8-month-old baby girl took to Reddit to explain why she wanted to change the spelling of her soon-to-be daughter’s name. “For the past 6 months, my husband and I have been fostering a baby girl. Her name is Aleksandra.”
As the mom continued, it was after receiving confirmation that they were going to be able to officially adopt her, that they began to consider changing the spelling. She explained that the way their daughter’s name was spelled often confused people.
“Now, we don’t know much about her bio family’s origins except that yes, they are Polish, which explains the spelling of her name. However, most people we’ve run across have been confused by it. We even prefer the other spelling ‘Alexandra’.”
She went on to explain that despite wanted to change the way her name is spelled, they “do plan to raise her to know about her Polish background, but she’ll have the English spelling of the name.” The couple added that they have “already started spelling it the Americanized way for personalized stuff we’re ordering. And we can legally change it when we legally adopt her and change her last name to ours.”
However, the mom admitted that she didn’t realize that changing the spelling was a big deal until her cousin, who was also adopted as a child, chastized the new parents. “She said this was an a**hole move and that I was robbing my daughter of her culture to ‘make my own life easier.'”
“She was adopted from China, which I always knew but what I didn’t know until now was, she originally had a traditional, cultural name and my aunt and uncle changed her name to an American one,” the Reddit user explained. “So it’s a sensitive subject for her. I didn’t know this. To me, it’s different because it’s the same name, just different spelling.”
Now, the mom is concerned that she and her husband are making the wrong decision. And many people revealed that, if it were up to them, they wouldn’t change the spelling of their child’s name.
“As an adoptee, I have always resented my parents for changing my name. I lost my culture when I was brought to the U.S. and I lost my identity when my parents Americanized my name. I’ve always had a hard time with it. I personally don’t think it’s okay to change an adoptee’s name,” one commenter wrote. “But I understand that this situation is hard. I know some adoptees really don’t mind that their name was changed. Maybe she won’t care, but also maybe she will. There’s no way to know. Honestly, you should post this in an adoption subreddit to see how adoptees feel. Maybe they’ll have advice.”
I agree with this post. My partner and I are both Asians from different Asian cultures. We keep our names and rarely have any issues. Nowadays I think people are more open-minded and willing to learn,” another person added. “Maybe it’s because I live in a diverse part of the US. I don’t think Aleksandra is that confusing. I’ve seen this spelling quite a few times. Also isn’t it a trend now to give your kids common names with uncommon spellings?”
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After reading through the comments, the mom returned to update her post. She explained that “after a lot of discussions, we’ve decided to keep the spelling of her name (Aleksandra). We’re also contacting a Polish acquaintance for help with keeping the culture alive in the household.”
How would you have handled this situation?