A mom writes in asking for advice about her relationship with her fiancé. She says her fiancé, who is not her children’s biological father, is a great stepfather, but she feels their relationship has reached the end of the line. She is tempted to stay together for the kids‘ sake, since he has a good relationship with them, but is unsure if that is wise. If they break up, her fiancé will likely leave the area and not see the children anymore, which would likely cause them pain. Advice?
A member of the community asks:
“I am trying to make things work with my fiancé for my kids but I want to split up: Advice?
I have been with my fiancé for a little over four years now. He is great with my kids, and my youngest child even calls him dad. for about the last year, things have been really off between us, and we’ve tried working it out, but I think this is the end of the line for us. I am honestly only with him because I don’t want to hurt my kids with a breakup. He is not their bio father and has no legal obligation to see them. He is not from here, and he has said that if we end things, he will not stay close by.
So I’m asking to hear from mom’s that have been in my situation. Did you break up with your kid’s stepdad, and how did your kids react? My ex-husband (my kids’ bio dad) see them every other weekend, but my fiance has such a strong bond with my kids, I am terrified this will hurt them if we break up. I am trying to stay for them, but not sure I can do it anymore.”
Community Advice for This Mom Who Is Wondering if She and Her Fiancé Should Stay Together for the Kids
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“You don’t ever stay in a relationship for the kids. Your kids deserve to see you happy. They deserve to see what a happy loving relationship looks like. It’s only going to hurt them if you stay. They will be ok as long as you are ok. And having their dad still around will help.”
“If you’re not happy, they aren’t happy. Kids feed off of parents’ emotions. Of course they have happy times, but they can tell when you’re faking it even if they cant come up with the words to explain it to you themselves. In the long run, if you’re miserable they will be too.”
“Kids need you happy. Is he abusive? Not showing you enough attention? What is the issue with you two? If he isn’t mean and is a great guy, I’d honestly try to figure out the problem and work on it. Do you guys go on dates or do fun stuff together? If it can’t be fixed then you gotta let him go.”
So he has said that he will not stick around if you guys break up? Maybe that means he’s not as invested in the kids as you would like? Either way, you shouldn’t stay with anyone if you know they aren’t contributing to your happiness, it could grow resentment and turn toxic.”
“Never stay together for the kids. Made that mistake enough to know better.”
“Never stay together for the kids. They know, even if they aren’t told, they feel something is wrong! If you honestly can’t work it out, you need to separate. People separate for all kinds of different reasons, just make sure you sit and have a really good talk to your kids about how it’s not their fault. Your house will become happier if you do what is right for you!”
“It’s selfish to hold him back for your kids. The longer you stay around, the harder it will be for your kids.”
“Breaking things off with your boyfriend may hurt your kids, but so will him staying there if you are so unhappy. They will not always live with you. You deserve to be happy too. They will adjust.”
Do you have any advice for this mom? Leave a comment to help another mom out!
Over on the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, our robust community of moms is always having a conversation about topics that matter. We like to highlight those conversations from time to time. Important mom questions. Thoughtful mom answers.
Do you have a question you’d like answered? Submit it to the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, and we may feature it along with some of the best answers on this site! You can remain completely anonymous while still getting the information and support you need from other moms who know what it’s like.
Mamas Uncut is THE online place for moms. We cover the latest about motherhood, parenting, and entertainment as well – all with a mom-focused twist. So if you're looking for parenting advice from real parents, we have plenty of it, all for moms from moms, and also experts. Because, at the end of the day, our mission is focused solely on empowering moms and moms-to-be with the knowledge and answers they’re looking for in one safe space.