One mom recently posted to the Reddit’s AITA community to ask for insight on a conversation she had with her teen daughter regarding coming out to her teen’s grandparents. The mom (OP) began her post by revealing she is a 36-year-old mom with a 16-year-old daughter.
Three months prior to the Reddit post, OP reveals how her teen daughter sat her and her father down to let them both know that she’s gay.
“We’ve always had an idea as she’s never been interested in boys, so obviously have been incredibly supportive,” the mom said. The OP then says how she and the teen’s father celebrated her coming out. “We baked her a rainbow cake the next day,” OP said, adding how they also watched documentaries on pride.
But due to the world health crisis, the OP told her 70-year-old parents to move in.
“My parents aren’t the most accepting of people, they’re the [typical] old white religious heterosexual couple, and I don’t want them being like that to my daughter,” OP said. “My daughter asked if she could come out to them and I said no, but the longer they’ve been here the more she’s wanted to,” OP added, saying that she knows “for a solid fact” that her parents won’t accept the news if her daughter tells them she’s gay.
“I don’t want to have to choose between my daughter and my elderly parents because it’ll be my daughter every time.”
The OP then informed her teen daughter how she cannot come out to her grandparents, ever.
The OP instructed her teen that she can’t reveal to her grandparents who she really is and she additionally, can’t tell anyone else in the family either “in case it gets back to them,” as well as no posting on social media “until they die.”
“I told them she shouldn’t come out on social media or to the rest of the family until they die in case it gets back to them which has devastated her.”
Basically, she accepts her teen but wants her to be quiet about who she is.
In short, she accepts her teen but wants her to be quiet about who she is. The OP then asked the Reddit community if she was in the wrong and commenters chimed in with their honest thoughts.
“YTA,” one person added. “You said you don’t want to choose because you’d choose your daughter, but you’re not. You’re choosing your parents.”
While another said that despite the OP baking a cake and watching documentaries, her other actions say she is not fully accepting her daughter:
“Also, we demanded she remain in the closet, including on all social media, for potentially decades until grandparents die, at which point we can pretend we always supported her even though we really chose the grandparent’s bigot based emotional comfort over the well-being of our daughter. But you baked her a cake!”
What do you think? Comment below!
With a background in the creative and educational fields, Amelia Finefrock is freelance writer, singer-songwriter and nanny based in Chicago.