A mom writes in asking for advice about her mom, whom she says explicitly favors the eldest of her two daughters. This mom says that her mom told her ahead of the arrival of her second baby that she doesn’t “know if I can love another one” After the baby was born, her mom continued to make comments and behave as if she only loves and cares about her oldest grandchild.
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A member of the community asks:
“My mom has been making rude comments towards me: Thoughts?
So I just had a baby at the end of February. I have an almost 3-year-old and then this baby and my mom have been making some not-so-nice comments. When I had my first, her dad and I weren’t really in touch (long story) but my mom was the only one in the room with me and cut the cord, etc. Well, me and her dad got back in touch a month after she was born and got back together eventually. We got pregnant with our second daughter and we were both really excited. This time my mom and my husband were both in the room. She was on her phone the whole time (which is okay because I had my husband) but even before our 2nd daughter was born my mom would make comments like “I don’t know if I can love another one” and now that she’s here I thought that she would feel different but I guess not.
My 2nd princess is two months old now and she still says my oldest is her favorite, etc. CONSTANTLY. I feel bad but my husband and I have been keeping our kids from her (kind of) because of it. I just don’t want my 2nd to feel bad about it later I guess. I don’t know. I love both of my girls SO much and my mom seems to only love one of them and I don’t think that’s right. Every time I’ve brought it up to her she gets rude and says I haven’t been sleeping and that she has to “watch what she says around me because I always get upset.”
What can I do and what should I do? I don’t want my 2nd to feel like she’s not important because I feel like eventually, she will understand what’s being said and I feel like babies can feel when someone doesn’t like them very much. I don’t know. I love my mom but lately, I just can’t bring myself to go over there and if I do go over there I instantly want to go home because of all the comments being made. My heart is torn and I don’t know what to do.”
Community Advice for This Mom Whose Mom Explicitly Favors One of Her Granddaughters Over the Other
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“Tell your mother that either she finds a way to love and cherish both or loses both and you. That’s not acceptable at all.”
“Your children come first and shouldn’t feel unwanted. Sorry but cut your mom off your guys live until she changes her attitude towards your younger daughter.”
“You control this. She either accepts her or she can love them from a distance. She decides how close she will be allowed based on her treatment of your children. You and your husband have boundaries to set.”
“Tell her point-blank. Either she stops this nonsense and realizes how lucky she is to have 2 grandchildren, or she can’t see either of them.”
“I obviously don’t know enough about her and your history, but she sounds like a narcissist… That’s like what my mother would say. If I were you, I would tell her to accept and love both or she’ll lose you all. And keep your word on it!”
“This actually happened to me. I was my mom’s 2nd child and my grandma made it clear she didn’t like me and my older sister was her favorite. Unfortunately, my grandma usually did it when my mom wasn’t around but eventually, my mom cut off my grandma for a while until we got older.”
“Keep that toxic woman and her toxic words away from your children. Period. If she was anyone else, it wouldn’t be a question. Blood relation doesn’t give someone the right to treat someone else poorly without consequences.”
“Sounds awful, but she might have a stronger bond with the first because the dad wasn’t in the picture so she was stepping up more. Maybe just bring the baby next time and let her have some one-on-one bonding”
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