A mom recently took to Reddit’s popular “Am I the A*****e?” forum to ask the question: Was it wrong for her to ask her husband to cut down on gym time after they have their first child together? What if you take into consideration the fact her husband implied she should consider an abortion because she asked?
This woman, who is a mom to a 15-month-old and also currently six weeks pregnant, says that she became frustrated with her husband after the birth of their first child because she felt her husband spent too much time at the gym, leaving her at home to deal with the parenting work alone.
“I’m currently 6 weeks pregnant and have a 15 month old,” the Reddit poster begins. “This pregnancy is a surprise and honestly, I wasn’t sure we should have another, because we had a rough go with our first. During the newborn phase, I was SO exhausted. I was breastfeeding, baby had colic, I was in pain with 3 2nd degree tears, etc. I do not easily fall asleep, so after waking up with the baby at night, it would typically take me another 30 minutes to fall back asleep, and I was roughly getting 2.5 hours of sleep a night for a good 3-5 weeks (it’s all a blur now).”
She goes on to say that during this time, despite slightly cutting back, her husband would still go to the gym 3 – 5 times per week. She said he would get “ticked” if she asked him to stay home instead of going to the gym, and that although he was shouldering some of the burden when he was around, she needed more.
“But sometimes, that ‘help’ wasn’t enough,” she says in her Reddit post. “Sometimes, I NEEDED another adult to talk to and to lend me a hand in the evenings.”
The situation continued to deterioriate until it reached a boiling point. “I told him that it must be nice to even have the ENERGY to go to the gym. The ONLY thing I wanted to be able to do was sleep. I got the response ‘I’m sorry you hate being a mom!'”
Mom’s Husband Implied She Should Get an Abortion After She Asks Him to Cut Back on Going to the Gym
Now that the couple is expecting their second child, this mom is worried that history will repeat itself. Here’s the dramatic climax of her story:
Now that I’m pregnant again, I mentioned to him “if I thought the last time was really hard and overwhelming, how the hell am I supposed to get through it while also having a 23 month old?” I told him this meant he was going to have to help out more and probably not go to the gym as much. Well, he did not receive this kindly. He texted me the next day “Just to be clear, I feel like I do a lot. I will not be able to help out with daycare, as I drive a work truck and cannot have another passenger in my car. I will continue to go to the gym, because health is important to me and I need to go to relieve stress. The reason you’re so stressed is because you choose to hold and entertain our daughter all the time, while I think it’s ok to let her cry if she’s bored. You need to think about if you want this baby. “
I f***ing lost it.
I said “I cannot believe you would rather me have an abortion than make any more sacrifices regarding your gym time.” But he is adamant that I am the selfish one.– Reddit
Um, yeah. Losing it is understandable because that response is absolutely unacceptable!
The mom later edited her post to add a few more details about her situation, including the fact that she works full time when she’s not on maternity leave, which for her only lasts six to eight weeks.
She also added an update, saying, “He left work early today to get his work out in so he could be home with us this evening. He picked up dinner, helped feed the baby, played with her outside & is giving her a bath now. This is DEF not the norm, but I think maybe he’s realized what an ass he’s been. Still need to have a convo, probably with a counselor, but, things are looking up?”
Most of the Reddit commenters — who, in the context of this Subreddit, are meant to tell her whether she is the “a**hole” in this situation — clearly felt her husband was in the wrong. But other commenters were not so empathetic with their reactions.
“People seem to think I’m bitter because I’m out of shape, and that’s not true,” the mom added in an update in response to negative comments about her post. “I am a runner and try to run at least 15-20 miles a week (on my own time, immediately after work while my daughter is still in daycare).”
We’re glad this mom seems to have worked this through with her partner and that he seems to be stepping up (for now), but mama, you need to know: You are 100 percent not the a**hole in this situation!
Matt is a writer, editor, and content strategist currently based in Washington state. He has worked as a managing editor for the iconic I Can Has Cheezburger, Celebuzz (a SpinMedia site), and now Mamas Uncut. He also acted as the Social Media Director for CafeMom.
Mamas Uncut is THE online place for moms. We cover the latest about motherhood, parenting, and entertainment as well – all with a mom-focused twist. So if you're looking for parenting advice from real parents, we have plenty of it, all for moms from moms, and also experts. Because, at the end of the day, our mission is focused solely on empowering moms and moms-to-be with the knowledge and answers they’re looking for in one safe space.