I Need Tips on Dealing With the Pre-Teen Attitude. Advice?

A mom writes in asking for advice after her 12-year-old daughter has been copping an attitude with her parents and her brother. The mom said her daughter “is convinced” she has the worst home-life because of the rules they have set in their household. Now, the fed-up parent is looking for suggestions on how to deal with her daughter’s disrespectful attitude.

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A member of the community asks:

“My 12-year-old is convinced that she has the worst home-life ever because I have to know who she is hanging out with at all times and won’t let her “go for a walk” at dusk with her female friends completely unsupervised. We also limit online activity.

Recently, it seems that her anger toward her brother has increased. He’s no angel, and I’m well aware of that, but she calls him a LOT of names: fat, ugly, stupid, lazy, etc. She basically demands that she spend the night with a friend at least one night every weekend, my husband and I usually give in just so that we can have some peace in the house for at least a day, but I know that isn’t helping reach the long-term goal of raising kind, responsible, respectful, successful young people.

She rarely asks for anything anymore; instead says things like, ‘You need to get/buy/do ___ for me.’ And when I say ‘no,’ I get an immediate whiny, ‘Buuuuuut whyyyyyyy?!?’ And she throws a temper tantrum, screaming, yelling, name-calling, far beyond anything she ever did as a toddler or young child.

I know that we have got to get this attitude under control, and FAST, but I’m stuck on how to do this without also making everyone else in our home miserable in the process. We never dealt with disrespect (at this age or to this extreme) with our older girls. Anyone else been here and survived the drama-filled child?”

– Mamas Uncut Community Member

Community Advice for This Mom Who Is Fed-up With Her Daughter’s Attitude

To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.

Advice Summary

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Several other moms in the community felt for this fed-up mom, and encouraged her to “stand her ground.” One commenter wrote, “She’s gearing up for hormonal changes. Stay consistent and stand your ground and she will level out in a couple [of] years. Until then, this is basically a right of passage for those with pre-teens/teens.”

Another mom wrote, “Don’t give in to want she demands that’s [reassuring] that you will cave and give her want she wants.”

And one person added, “Videotape her, and when she comes down, show her what she looks like and how she’s acting and asked her point-blank, ‘Would she allow her daughter [to] do anything if she acted like?’ That [will] make her look at herself and see the woman she’s becoming. Tell her she better think twice because you don’t get anywhere in life acting like that.”

Do you have any advice for this mom? Leave a comment to help another mom out!

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