A mom writes in asking for advice. Her boyfriend’s ex-wife recently passed away. She is also the mother of two of his children. Her boyfriend is upset, which she completely understands. However, his family is consistently calling him offering condolences as if they were still married. So, this mom doesn’t know what to do. Any advice for this mom?
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A member of the community asks:
“My boyfriend’s ex-wife and mother of two of his kids just passed away. They were married for 10 years a long time ago and had two kids in their 20s. One of them I absolutely adore and the other one I haven’t talked to in a year because we don’t have a good relationship.
We have a 7-year-old and we’ve been together for over 11 years. I don’t know what to do. My boyfriend seems very upset, and it’s understandable, but his family keeps calling him to offer their condolences as if they were still married. She remarried and had two more kids with her new husband. I’m not jealous; I just don’t know what to do. She was my son’s brothers’ mother, but I saw her maybe a handful of times. Aside from offering my condolences to him and their kids, what else can I do?”
Community Advice for This Mom Not Knowing What to Do
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Advice for this mom was very encouraging despite the fact that her boyfriend’s ex-wife passed away. One suggested, “Just be there if they want to talk/vent/cry. You don’t need to do anything really, just stand back and watch for signals.” One commenter offered, “Ask him if he wants to go to her funeral, and join him. Make that day as easy as possible for him.”
Other commenters offed suggestions that she could do to help. One commented, “Maybe put together a photo album of photos of just the kids and her even the one you haven’t talked to in a year.” Another suggested, “Reach out to her children. All of them no matter what the relationship and let them know you’re there if they need someone to talk to.” Another said, “Send flowers to her kids from your kid and be done with it.”
Some just offered encouragement to this mom. One shared, “The mother of his children passed away. Be respectful and there for him. He did love her once, so mourning her loss doesn’t mean he loves you less. He is also mourning for his children’s loss.” Another agreed, “I’d just be there and give him space to grieve. Even though they’d not been together in a long time, she is his kid’s mother so of course, he’s going to be sad and upset.”
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