A mom writes in asking for advice. she is in the process of getting a divorce and has started to date someone new. He treats her and her son extremely well, but has some legal problems and has done some bad things in the past. She’s unsure if it’s a good idea to get seriously involved with him. Any advice for this mom?
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A member of the community asks:
“I have a question that you might be able to help me. I am currently separated from my husband and in the process of getting a divorce. He is a complete jerk, won’t make his child mind, won’t punish his child if needed, nothing to help with his son. He refuses to work and help me around the house. There is a guy that has liked me for the past four years that I didn’t even know about.
Recently I met him at my neighbor’s house when my son ran over to his brother’s house. Ever since that day, I have been talking to him. He is excellent with my son, and my son enjoys him. He listens to him like he is supposed to look to a male figure. When he is around this man, he is a sweet loving boy. When he is around his Daddy, he is mean.
The problem I ran into is that this new guy has been arrested for possession, bankruptcy (I have to), lots of legal problems. He is 100% disabled veteran, so is my son’s Dad. This guy works and loves my son and me. I want to be with this man and he knows about my situation. At the same time, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with him the cause of his history. Please help me. I am confused.”
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Community Advice for This Mom Wanting a Better Life
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Advice for this mom was very mixed. Some felt that she shouldn’t date this guy due to his past. One commented, “Sometimes the past is just that, the past. Ask what the possession charge was for etc. Be completely honest with him about how you feel and what is worrying you. Take things super slow so you can see what happens. No need to rush. If he’s that great then he will wait and be patient with you.”
Others felt like she needed to focus more on her son. One shared, “If you can’t see yourself with him for the rest of your life then leave the man alone. Don’t accidentally teach your son that you have to have someone. Be on your own, become independent with yourself. Plus, you’re not even divorced yet.” Another said, “If you don’t want a future with him, why have a present? Shouldn’t have let your son around him if you knew the man wouldn’t be in his future.”
Most commenters felt like she needed to take time for herself. One said, “No, no, no! You are newly divorced with a child. Stay single and alone for a year or so.” Another agreed, “Take time to be a mom and enjoy life before you go looking for someone. Also, there’s nothing wrong with dates, either, if that’s what you want.”
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