A mom writes in asking for advice: The father of her baby-to-be wants to immediately take the newborn for a weekend, but she doesn’t feel ready for that. What should she do?
Over on the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, our robust community of moms is always having a conversation about topics that matter. We like to highlight those conversations from time to time. Important mom questions. Thoughtful mom answers. Let’s hear from the community!
A member of the community asks:
I’m 33 weeks pregnant, and the baby’s father thinks it’s okay to just take our kid away from me as soon as I give birth for a whole weekend and I won’t allow it.
I want to wait at least a month or two. Am I in the wrong? Never said I would keep him from his son. He can see him anytime he wants, but I don’t want him staying over anywhere until he’s a little older. Need opinions.– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Let’s see what the community has to say!
You’re Not Wrong to Wait
“You are absolutely justified! A newborn needs to be as close to their mama as possible. For at least 6 months!! Not my business but since you asked for opinions. And, I’m also an R.N., a mother and a grandmother. Tell your kids father to chill for a bit and do the best thing for the baby.”
“Absolutely not!! I can understand when the child is a little older. But a baby needs his momma more. But fathers are also very important in the bonding process. But overnights without Momma? No.”
“If you two are not married the baby legally belongs to both of you. I can’t see any judge ruling in dads favor to take a newborn baby away from his mother for dad to have a fun weekend, especially if you are nursing. Your baby needs to be in a stationary stable place for a few months.”
“Absolutely not! Put your foot down or up his a__!”
“He can’t do anything about it unless he takes you to court for visitation and even then it’s still going to take several months for anything to come of it. So if you’re uncomfortable with it, say no and stick to your guns. I’m not saying keep the baby from him completely, I would absolutely agree to him taking the child for the day if you trust that he would actually bring the child back. If the baby is in his care and neither one of you have legal custody through the courts, the police will do nothing but tell you to take him to court, which could leave you not seeing your child for months on end. I personally wouldn’t let my newborn go overnight, even with its father. My daughter never slept out till she was 2 years old, and that was only one night. I couldn’t imagine sending a newborn for a weekend at a time.”
“Not ok. Baby needs to be with momma. Maybe let him come to yours if you feel safe, but leave??? Oh hell no.”
We seem to have a consensus! Most moms advise the OP that she is not out of line for feeling uncomfortable in this situation. There is no need for her to send her baby away with the father for a weekend immediately after giving birth, especially since she has invited the father to visit his child whenever he wants. It really is that simple.
We wish you the best of luck solving this problem with your baby-to-be and his father!
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