A Mamas Uncut community member wants advice on how to forgive her husband for cheating.
Over on the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, our robust community of moms is always having a conversation about topics that matter. We like to highlight those conversations from time to time. Important questions. Thoughtful answers. This is our Community Questions feature!
A member of our community asks:
My husband recently cheated on me, and instead of breaking up, I chose to stay and work it out. Now there’s plenty of a “back story,” but I’m not sure if any of that matters. I chose to forgive him because I honestly and truly believe he is sorry. My question is, how do I stop being sad about it, thinking about it and saying hateful things to my husband?Mamas Uncut Community Member
The Mamas Uncut Facebook community rushed in with a ton of good advice. Here are 8 of our favorite answers.
“Once a Cheater…”
“Not to be mean, but he deserves you being hateful to him. You do not cheat in a marriage, and as they say, “once a cheater always a cheater.”
Actual Forgiveness Is Necessary
“You have to forgive him. You obviously haven’t or you wouldn’t feel about it the way you do. It takes a different kind of person to be able to truly forgive someone for breaking that kind of trust and your heart. You may need to reevaluate your decision.”
“You see a marriage counselor. Probably both separately and together. If you’re religious, choose someone who will align with your faith. Cheating isn’t an accident, but behavior can be modified.”
Avoid the Cycle of Mistrust
“THERAPY. You can’t handle that on your own. Neither of you can. This is why couples that try to stay together on their own repeat the same cycle of mistrust and anger over and over again.”
Work Through the Pain Together
“It hurts like hell. And will for a while. But hold it together. It’ll take months if not years, but if you are BOTH willing to try to make things better between yourselves, then take it day by day. Some days will be worse.”
Another Vote for Therapy (and Faith)
“Therapy is the answer, and maybe religion. Try to focus on healing and moving forward. If you really want to fix your marriage, it’s gonna take a lot of work on his part to make you certain he’s changed. It’s on you to heal and leave that part of the past behind you. It’s going to be a big uphill battle mentally, and sometimes you can’t do it alone.”
Make the Hard Choice and Leave
“When you’re married and someone cheats, the trust never returns. I’m sorry to say this, but leave now. Before you waste your life. Cheating is a choice. He chose to cheat. Chose to hurt you. You should choose to leave.”
You’ll Never Be Happy Like This
“Once a cheater always a cheater. You need to leave him. You will never truly be happy or stop being sad about it.”
A tough question requires some tough answers. We think all are valid. Therapy and/or couples’ counseling sounds like a very good place to start. It’s never a bad idea to bring an impartial (and expert) party into the mix to help you sort out your thoughts and feelings. We wish you the best of luck, mama!
Do you have a question you’d like answered? Submit it to the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, and we may feature it along with some of the best answers on this site! You can remain completely anonymous while still getting the information and support you need from other moms who know what it’s like.
Matt is a writer, editor, and content strategist currently based in Washington state. He has worked as a managing editor for the iconic I Can Has Cheezburger, Celebuzz (a SpinMedia site), and now Mamas Uncut. He also acted as the Social Media Director for CafeMom.
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